Everyone likes seeing their name in print.

Well, unless of course it’s trash tabloid-ism or an arrest warrant… But I’m not talking just-printed-on-paper but I mean a by-line of one sort or another. I can say that from experience as I’ve gotten that kick — seeing “John Fontana” linked to letters-to-the-editor, or being sourced/interviewed by USA Today, being quoted in The Hockey News, The New York Times Slap Shot blog and la-de-da.

But I can also say that wasn’t where I intended to go with writing when I started out as a kid.  My intention wasn’t to be a face-in-the-crowd (though no matter what you write or publish, you are another face in the crowd of literature) in the newspaper.  Not another source for magazines and what not.  Not a weblogger.  I planned on doing things creatively and having my own book.  Or books — plural.  Take your pick.

But that never happened.  See, when i was a teen I got away from story writing so much and was writing poetry most of the time…  a habit that’s followed me into adulthood.  Lyrical verse more-so than deep observations and perspectives…  Well, yeah they are perspectives but they are my perspectives.   Sometimes just pop, sometimes inspired by events or people or feelings  in my life.

Over the years, I’ve had some of them available to the masses through the web…  Certainly you can find a couple of them on this site and probably elsewhere on the web…  But they’ve never really been published in the sense of print.  Never published in the sense of being out there for any traditional form of mass consumption.  I haven’t bothered to take the time with sending out poems to magazines who have niches all of their own (and aren’t available unless you pay for a subscription or pay for a copy — while you’re not getting paid for your contribution).

I ought to put together a manuscript and do something with it.  But I’m hesistant.

Catherine Durkin Robinson, local blogger and Creative Loafing contributor, has written two book manuscripts.  Her first one is being published, chapter-by-chapter, on a blogspot site.  The other, a more recent work based on her life as a teacher in Hillsborough County, is being sent around to literary agents in hopes someone will pick up the work and mass-market it.  Sadly, that has not been the case and the rejections have been comical at best.

Their loss.  I’ve read the book and it’s not only a good read, it’s provocative and controversial enough to be read widely by those fearing school-district scandals.

I also have another friend, in the Pacific Northwest this time, who went out and self-published her first novel.  The book, Steel Goddesses, is currently available on Amazon.com for purchase.  It takes a lot of courage to go out on a limb like that and self-publish any work…  But it sort of cuts out the middle-man of having to appease literary agents who tell you what a proper market for your writing is-or-isn’t and tells you to change your work to fit that niche.  At least that’s what I’ve seen with rejections served up to Catherine.

So the idea I am kicking around is actually putting together a manuscript of poetry I’ve written over the past decade and self-publishing it.   I realize that poetry is not exactly a hot seller and not going to lead me to riches…  It’d cost me more to publish than the commissions I’d get in the long run from doing it…  But it does what I have long sought to do — take the writings jammed in Mead notebooks that I’ve carried around since High School and take some of those verses and show them to the masses.  Will people connect?  I have doubts.  Will strangers read what I’ve  written?  Even more doubts…  But it’s mine, and it’d be out there.  My claim.  My piece of literature.

My book.

It’s a thought, at least.

Will the technological wonders never cease?!? Behold the latest offering (by way of Penny Arcade):

Technologial advancements and good for the environment! Uses next to no energy at all!

I haven’t written much about my health the last few years on der Stonegauge… Mostly because Stonegauge is syndicated on the ever-so-excellent Tampa Blab where some of my blog colleagues (who know me better from my endeavor at Boltsmag or my participation at Sticks of Fire) can get wind of this stuff and start fussing and worrying about me. So can my critics as well with anything personal I write about on here. I’ve had private stuff published on this domain before and had it come back to hurt me. But that’s what happens when you blog, ain’t it?

I’m getting away from the fact that I said I haven’t talked about my health much at all on here lately. For the uninitiated, I suffer from a rare genetic disease commonly referred to as NF2. It’s a nasty little gem of a disease that doesn’t get much attention (besides an odd mention on House M.D. every-so-often). It causes benign tumors to grow mostly on nerves in the body. One of said tumors were the reason I began to lose my hearing as a teen and was rendered deaf 10 years ago last December.

It also gives me the supernatural abilities like super-intelligence, telekenisis and empathy along with…

Wait a minute, that was a John Travolta movie. Never mind.

Seriously… The last time I really brought up (bitched, moaned, vented, etc) my health was the summer and fall of 2003 when I hit a couple of hard patches and was frustrated, scared and just flat out torn up (to put it lightly). Blogging things publicly helped me get my frustrations and worries out in the open… or at least out of my head for the moment until the next panic hit.

It’s 4 years later and I’ve got problems again. Problems in my head this time that get the doctors attention. Now, from the smart-ass perspective, you’d quickly quip “Yeah, anyone who (inserts a thought, political idea, interest, etc) would be classified as having problems in the head!” but it’s a little more serious than that. About 5 centimeters worth of serious. Between-my-ears, behind-my-eyes serious.

I’ve been operated on twice up there before. Both times I had the operations in question out west with one of the top doctors in the world. This time around, I’m sticking in Tampa Bay and trusting a doctor who’s been heralded to me as one of the best in the world. He’s got books and awards and all that jazz. He’ll have some of my old friends along with him to make sure my ABI doesn’t get fudged up and what not.

Still, there are risks and even if they aren’t substantial — what they are is a worst case scenarios. So I worry about that, even though it’s almost like thinking about worst-case stuff when you go out and do day to day things.
“The worst case scenario while driving to the Supermarket to pick up milk is that an out of control mack truck with a drunk at the wheel, plows into my car and explodes…. Oh, and I don’t die instantly on impact!”

Rosy, cheery stuff like that.

So part of my mind (ha — the cause of all my problems) keeps wanting me to be responsible and at least report this upcoming operation, make arrangements for the “just in case”, “worst case scenario” type things. Every other part of me wants the status quo to remain — though that status quo is a deteriorating personal conditions where the changes in my health are more or less subtle until I get to a tipping point and things really get messed up and my life hangs in the balance.

Rosy, cheery stuff like that.

I don’t want to face the idea of things — out of my control — go bad and yet with responsibilities to friends and loved ones, how can I not?

The title of Northwest Leftists post is “The Most important book for Progressives”… He’s talking about Crashing the Gate and I must stress how true those words are.

If you read political books to be outraged instead of informed — trash like Michael Moore or Al Franken and their self-obsorbed writings — this book can and should replace that type of reading in your bookcase. While Crashing shows you reasons to be outraged at both the left and the right, it keys you in how things must change and how you must be part of the political process too.

It’s the Red versus the Blue.
The Old versus the New.

It shows you what’s wrong with the Democrats and how we can go about fixing it.

Please, if you’re a Democrat — this is required reading material.

What decade do we live in? The 1950′s or the 2000′s?

I’ve got a laptop computer I basically can’t use not because it’s not in working order but because it doesn’t have the capablity to do what I need it to do and thus it makes the machine expendable. I’ve been looking for a way to move the laptop without losing a ton of money on the deal.

I looked on the Tampa Tribune‘s website and through their classified ads in an effort to look through the Laptop market and see if anyone was trying to purchase laptop computers in Tampa. I found www.tampanotebooks.com which is operated by Performance Computer Group. They’ve got a shop on Dale Maybry and they say that they buy used laptops – working or not.

I figured to call them up and see how much I could get for my machine… A phone call isn’t such a painful thing after all. Even if it is Voice Carry Over through the Florida Telecommunications Relay Service.

So I called up Performance Computer Group of Tampa — three ring slater a man picks up and the text that comes across my TDD phone reads thus:

“Uh, we don’t do any Relay calls. OK, thank you.”

*Click*

Some people don’t get what a Relay call is… It’s when someone deaf is calling you through a carry over service. It is not an excuse for you to treat a caller like a complete piece of shit. I’ve dealt with that from Bright House Customer Service and Capital One customer service as well. Usually I call back and get a representative that isn’t such a moron.

But in this case? The company just lost my business and came off like he was against the Relay system to begin with. “Why bother? Just some deaf clown trying to hassel me.”

I’ve been trying to re-arrange my poetry page instead of ammassing everything I have by 10 poems-per-page. I don’t know why I am doing it exactly but I am doing it…. (all of this while I shoudl be working on Chantilly Lace gifts).

The thing is, I read over certain poems and I can remember exactly where and when I was when I wrote that poem… Some of them I rememeber exactly what I was feeling. I’ve lst at least one entire book of poetry because I lent it out to someone who would later betray me… And at the same time I still have 7 volumes sitting on a bookshelf that are just one big reminder of things in the past.

Some people had journals, some people just kept notes of there lives, some people blog… I wrote poetry. It was release and yet it chronicled things.

Anyway, the poem that gets me – and get sme every time – is Lost Inside… Just because of how I ende dup playing the words. I can remember writing this at my local library … There are a lot of poems with certain strengths to them that I persoanlly enjoy but this is the one that I like the most:

Lost Inside

Seen my feelings lost inside forever
Couldn’t we be good together?
Girl, you are my everything,
You’re all my wants and craves

Lost inside the secret you
What am I supposed to do
Girl, you are my majesty
I’ll worship you forever

Only known I’ve lost my mind
Oh, why worry? Never mind
Everything that I do crave
Is lost inside your being

Now to find you,
Majesty,
I need to be your everything,
Fit the bill and fly the path,
Our equation, do the math,
Add us two and then subtract -
The worries and the hardships

Seen my feelings inside you, girl
Oh my, honey, what a world
What am I supposed to do?
I’ve stayed lost inside the secret you

And inside, I’ve lost my mind
Oh, why worry? Never mind
Everything I’ll always crave
Is lost inside the secret you

©1998 John P. Fontana

I’m still upset over the news of Christopher Reeve’s death. I’m a child of the 1980′s and Christopher Reeve as Superman was my Superman. He beat the shit out of the animated versions of Superman or the comic books… I know someone out there that doesn’t see this blog often has a picture of me as a kidd wearing a Superman outfi for Holloween….

And to think my childhood hero is gone…? It just… It makes my heart cry.

Patty Davis wrote a memorable piece in Newsweek about this death and how the Government helped it along. It ticks me off that moral law controls the United States on an issue like this.

I, myself am a disabled American and even though I can’t benefit from Stem Cell research, I certainly don’t think we should keep people from researching what benefits can come from Stem Cell research. I don’t think God would of wanted us to pass judgement on the weak like this.

I left that post mentioning Reeve’s death yesterday with a line from Stephen King’s book… that doesn’t do it justice…

Rest in peace, Superman….

I’ve reviewed the last few books with just general babble in my opinion… Not talking details at all about The Dark Tower books except for those who know the Dark Tower. I’ve tried to keep my reviews spoiler free so that other people can enjoy what happens to Roland and hsi ka-tet as they approach the apex of existence: The Dark Tower.

Stephen King spins his final tale – another work of Metafiction with himself involved in the novel – in the thirty-plus year saga of the Gunslinger and his quest. It closes the door on the series but it also opens the door to the reader – the Constant Reader that Stephen likes to reffer to…. How so? ON discord perhaps? Discontent? On frustrations? On heartbreak?

It’s just a book to so many who have enjoyed them over the years, it’s a pilgrimage to the center of a fiction writers imagination.

From here on in, I want to give a constant spoiler warning… I will not be holding back on my comments… I’ll say the book kept me interested and it was a page turner… Now if you do not want to know what happens in the book — READ NO FURTHER!

—

You still here? OK… Well, lets get down to basics: Roland does indeed reach the Dark Tower and breach it…

The bad news is that King decided to get rid of some people along the way. We have a few people form past King Novels show up — including Shimmie Ruiz who happesn to be a breaker of all things — but that doesn’t really make up for the breaking of the Ka-tet. It doesn’t make up for the bitter end between Roland and Susannah (nor her choice — more on that later). Nor does it make up for the ultimate hook that closes the book out with (which I nearly skipped after reading Roland reciting names of those he has met on his journey).

For those who have read the Dark Tower novels and who have read soem of King’s other work, there has always been a indirect tie to the Tower books from his other stories. In Insomnia was a painting with two men… Patrick Danville was supposed to save the lives of those two figures and one of those men MUST NOT DIE….

Patrick was one of those two men, so it seems… As he and Roland of Gilead are the ones that are left to approach the Tower. I kid you not.

Eddie Dean hath fallen. O Discordia.

John “Jake” Chambers hath fallen. O Discordia.

Susannah Dean ventures back into one fo the many Americas in existence… This all but a day before Roland reaches the Dark Tower.

Those are the killer blows of The Dark Tower. Eddie being the most lovable character of the saga, Jake being part of the story from the very start…. It just broke my heart when I read about Eddie dying…. jake dying was shocking to me. It was shocking to Stephen King as well who explains in the book himself that, in his notes, all four of them were supposed to live to see the tower.

And Oy? Unfortunately, Wizard and Glass told you the outcome of Oy’s journey to End World….

Eddie’s death was the real problem I had with The Dark Tower – that’s just someone I couldn’t see dying and yet who’s death seemed the most likely. His death is ont he heels fo the Beam of Shardik / Manturin being saved, which adds to the bitterness of it happening.

And Jake? He saves Stephen King in the year of ’99….

Susannah and Roland venture together through a good bit of the book but dreams start telling her she must leave Roland. And leave she does…. For Eddie Cantor….Toren?

I don’t know where else to go with this discription of the book… It had most everything you have seen in the Dark Tower stories except a lengthy flashback. Chills, spills, gunslinging…. Roland never ahd the “dry twist” of arthritis… That is explained. Ted Brauntigan and Dinky Evanshaw are park of the group that saves the beams from the Breakers (say thank ya)….

And what happens when Roland reaches the Dark Tower? What happens when he reaches the top? I’ll leave you with a few words and hear them very well, I beg… I’ll leave you to read the novel itself and enjoy the novel as I did… But one line summarizes the begining and the end of this Magnum Opus of Stephen King:

The man in black fled across the desert and the Gunslinger followed.

Is this the Jack Ryan we all know? Is this the Jack Ryan we want to have represent our country?

Or is this guy more like it? Oh sure, Ben Affleck and Alec Baldwin both played him in the movies (along with Harrison Ford) but that doesn’t make him a bad guy… does it?

Jack Ryan or Jack Ryan — you, Illinois residents, must decide…

(inspired by a post at Defective Yeti. Of course, this had been my thoughts when I hear “Jack Ryan” the last few days but I haven’t blogged it)

The casting alone makes em want to catch the remake of Stephen King’s 2nd novel-come-movie, ‘Salems Lot

Rob Lowe playing Ben Meares — I can live with that. Donald Sutherland as Richard Straker? Exact casting that I imagined reading the book. Rutger Hauer as Barlow? Another dead-on casting! James Cromwell as Father Donald Callahan?! Another dead on casting! It’s incredible…

Of course, casting alone won’t make this a great movie – if Mikael Saloman can’t work with the images and provoke fear inside the viewer much like King can do with words and images — this will turn into another King-book-come-movie dud to follow dozens of King books that were turned into movies and fell flat.

Reviews on Google have been mixed while reviews on IMDB sound hopeful. We’ll see just how this turns out tomorrow night on TNT.