Right now I am down. I’m down about several things but lets go with first things first, secodn thing ssecond and all that jazz…

I’m taking a break from the Stonegauge for I don’t know how long or even if The Stonegauge will be back up in the future. I’m just goign to stop with the site because…. Well, lets be frank and honest – you could care. By you I mean by everyone who is out there.

I know that really sounds pessamistic but that’s how it feels right now. I’m not writing much on here lately for oen reason or another and what I do write is too self-absorbed to really have any worth. I know I write something that not only gians people’s attention but also interests readers over at Boltsmag. I can’t say the same here at Stonegauge.

Who cares about my opinions? I express them on forums and in the Newspaper and they haven’t brought out change. I’ve shared my writing and my day to day dealings and it’s not as if many are reading this right now.

I’ll probably end up posting shit elsewhere just because it’ll be more private or because it’s not a target for spam (or hasn’t turned to shit because WordPress 1.5 sucks).

Bah I’m down.

Stuck With You

We’ve had some fun, and yes we’ve had our ups and downs
Been down that rocky road, but here we are, still around
We thought about someone else, but neither one took the bait
We thought about breaking up, but now we know it’s much too late
We are bound by all the rest
Like the same phone number
All the same friends
And the same address

Yes, it’s true, (yes it’s true) I am happy to be stuck with you
Yes, it’s true, (yes it’s true) I’m so happy to be stuck with you
‘Cause I can see, (I can see) that you’re happy to be stuck with me

We’ve had our doubts, we never took them seriously
And we’ve had our ins and outs, but that’s the way it’s supposed to be
We thought about giving up, but we could never stay away
Thought about breaking up, but now we know it’s much too late
And it’s no great mystery
If we change our minds
Eventually, it’s back to you and me

Yes, it’s true, (yes it’s true) I am happy to be stuck with you
Yes, it’s true, (yes it’s true) I’m so happy to be stuck with you
‘Cause I can see, (I can see) that you’re happy to be stuck with me

We are bound by all the rest
Like the same phone number
All the same friends
And the same address

Yes, it’s true, (yes it’s true) I am happy to be stuck with you
Yes, it’s true, (yes it’s true) I’m so happy to be stuck with you
‘Cause I can see, (I can see) that you’re happy to be stuck with me
(yes it’s true) I’m so happy to be stuck with you
I’m happy to be stuck with you
Happy to be stuck with you.

A Hard Days Night of the last 24 hours, that’s a way to describe things that have gone on.

I like to stay obtuse in here at times and in this case it’s especially hard to do so because my partner-in-crime reads the blog on a regular basis. That beign said I’ll cut with the detials and get to the point….

Giving a dog to a good home is something special but knowing the dog is terrified — that’s bad. Knowing that she’s going to a loving, patient pair of owners — that’s good. Spending a day with someone you care for is fantastic. Then having to break the news to that person that the dog she saved, healed and had given a life to, had run away — that’s bad.

Wandering around downtown Clearwater chasing after a shy dog at 1 AM – that’s just strange. Albeit it ‘s also dangerous with the quality characters in the neighborhood. Knowing the animal is playing traffic (not literally, but had been close to traffic and almost hit) — that’s terrible.

Going on minimum sleep and returning to the scene of the crime at daybreak to try, try again — that’s devotion.

And to see this animal re-united with her family after being rescued / captured by a good samaritian — That’s heartwarming. Left wanting more, — that’s life.

This day gets worse and worse by the instant. Not only have I had shit today but now I have to deal with Dave “Falling Down” FromCali.

Beautiful day outside today and basically shit to do for me. I went for a walk and saw the depressing site of a teenage mother handing over her daughter to the kids father so she and a friend can go out and do something. It was rather pathetic and heartbreaking to see. Depressing to look at society like that.

And then I dwelt on my own situation most of the day – nto fun. *sigh*

From high to low, the roller coaster of emotions that is John rolls on this weekend.

I’m ending this year on Der Stonegauge with a post with lyrics from not the most happiest of songs… In fact I used to get down watching this video and listening to this song…

But reading the lyrics over again, Michael Stipe wasn’t out to down people with this thing. He was out to keep them around a little longer.

In the face of things in this world that are not good – from politics to disasters, unjustified wars, self absorbed people and the heartbreak they cause – just seem to justify the song… Don’t throw your hand, cuz everybody hurts sometimes. When the night is long and yours alone – remember you’re not alone because everybody hurts sometimes….

Everybody Hurts

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
when you’re sure you’ve had enough of this life, well hang on.
Don’t let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it’s time to sing along.
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
if you feel like letting go, (hold on)
when you think you’ve had too much of this life, well hang on.

Everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends.
Everybody hurts. Don’t throw your hand. Oh, no. Don’t throw your hand.
If you feel like you’re alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you’re on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
when you think you’ve had too much of this life to hang on.

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes.
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on.
Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. (repeat & fade)
(Everybody hurts. You are not alone.)

(Copyright © R.E.M./Athens Ltd. for all R.E.M. originals).

Happy New Year, ladies and gentlemen. Let us have hope for 2005 – a sight more than what has been provided for us as a race in 2004.

Random Christmas Eve rants —

I hate having to play the dick but that is what happened a littler earlier today – maybe I didn’t exactly play it but listening to someone start falling all over themselves for the umpteenth time and putting themselves into a shit situation — a dick is all I could be.

This very person had remarked about going with your head and not with yoru heart and how things will be nifty right at the start… This person also happened to tell me, a few minutes later, that she was “in love” with an abusive, controlling, insecure prick who wanted to keep her as a possesion and not as a person.

Over a couple of weeks chatting with this girl, I’d feed her logic and a few days later she comes back with “You were right.” And yet her own self-hate, self-loathing and low self-esteem leads her to punish herself… “This is the best I can do.” “I don’t deserve better”, “I’m not good for anythign more.”

I was also told by this same little girl that I shouldn’t settle for anyone or anything, that I seem like the person who would strive for just what they want… That’s true in a lot of ways but if there is anyone in life that has been resigned to the fact he’s got to settle in the end – its me. You can have personality up the waazoo, you can be sweet and romantic and a really funny guy… You can be selfless or benevolent but it really amounts to shit with people if you got a few things wrong with your person, or don’t meet the market ideal of what a lover should be.

…

And for the record, you don’t write off people and leave them in the cold (or — even worse — confess to avoiding them) at times when they need your friendship… Or to pull that act 3 or 4 tiems and expect continued benevolence. You can’t expect a friend if you can’t be one… but that’s a cold November story so we’ll just leave it be.

…

Maybe someone needs to get typing lessons for Christmas. I type fast and don’t copy edit and what happens? I look like I don’t know how to spell anything (typo after typo).

….

Anyone who tells me they don’t deserve, is full of shit. Anyone who puts up with someone’s abuse is either too in-love or just too insecure to go back to what they had with nothing. Anyone who falls in love with someone else but gets engaged to the guy they are dating just becasue she wasn’t ready to break up yet… Well, that’s just fooling everyone and setting up for problems. You can want to share a bed with someoen but, dear God, you’re REALLY setting up to get screwed by drawing it out like that!

…

And by the way… Bryan? Not that you read my blog but you really shouldn’t get so upset over Liz. Yes there were a few misteps there but give it time, buddy. Just be a friend or try to be and be content with that. Keep your eyes open as well, you never know what else is goign to come along (and actually be clear about their intentions instead of wishy-washy like a middle-school girl.

I usually start off my posts with titles — sometimes they come to me immediately and set the tone for posts, sometimes they are terrible titles for posts because they have nothing to do with them, and other times they are dead on. Right now I have no title at all in mind or every title I think of contradicts what I was going to talk about.

I was going over the site web logs – just sometime I do from time to time to see who is linked to Der Stonegauge or other sites I am in control of. I’ve been catching a lot of people who’ve been siphoning graphics lately, for example. I also check those logs for search phrases that are used on the Internet that leads people to this site. Sometimes they are strange terms, sometimes they are relevant because I have posts using those titles, sometimes they are explicitly (because I use 4 letter words in posts and other posts just happen to have the matching second keyword that some pervert typed into a Search Engine) and then some terms come out of the blue.

Here’s the one that made me do a double take:

he doesn’t want to talk to me

It got me thinking… It got me wondering…. Of course, I have no phrase use on the site that even comes close to that, and of course I have no clue who went on the Internet, typed that key-phrase on a certain Search Engine and got this site as a result, but it just jarred me a bit.

So I’ll humor myself here by just typing out why it may seem like “he doesn’t want to talk to me” to this person… And what the truth may be on why “he” seems the way he is.
(more…)

Beside George Tennet, I wonder how many people see the proposed breakup of the CIA as a step backwards instead of a step forward?

There are already a handful of security and intelligence agencies int eh United States and a handful of Investigative agencies as well. The 9/11 Commission cited lack of communications/cooperations between agencies as part of the reason 9-11 happened.

So why is it that breaking the CIA into three is supposed to be the way to mend the problem? You have more agencies that need to answer to other agencies and more groups that may or may not share data. It’s taking the wrong approach to finding a solution.

Just like the Department of Homeland Security is giving the Defense Department a day off from defending the United States of America so that they can go ahead and be the Offense Department and take War elsewhere, changing the CIA to three different agencies doesn’t rectify the problem – it just adds bureaucracy so that other groups can focus on other things instead of solving the real problem — the glut of agencies and the lack of coordination with them.

I’m not totally opposed to the dismantling of the CIA but then again? I want to see the FBI and ATF factored into this group. I would think one super agency with divisions for national Investigation and law enforcement as well as international intelligence is going to be more beneficial than adding more groups to an already crowded field of agencies that are only loosely connected… And of course, having one person overseeing those agencies is not going to help cooperation and coordination between them…. It’s just going to add to the mess.

And what are other politicians going to tell you? That dividing and confusing is going to make America safer? That’s hardly a way to protect America… It’s more likely a way to contribute to more trouble – both Political and Geo-political – in the future.

I haven’t talked about the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for a real long time… I think the last time I put up a post was in January where I gave a general sports roundup. Of course, my sports eye has been on my primary love in Tampa Bay — The Lightning – and that means the Bucs (who I grew to love during their hapless years) have taken a back seat.

Before anyone lays into me about being a bandwagon fan, I support the Buccaneers and haven’t turned a blind eye because another team in town won a championship. The Bucs earned my love over the years from miserable to respectable, and the Lightning won my love since their inception and I place hockey just ahead of football because it was a sport I liked to compete in.

Anyway, I haven’t abandoned the Bucs but I have to turn my eyes because of the train wreck the franchise has become.

Lets go to January of 2003 first and foremost and Jon Gruden / The Tampa Bay Buccaneers winning the Super Bowl. When Jon won the title, little did fans know it gave him carte blanche over the Buccaneer Franchise. A team assembled by Rich McKay and Tony Dungy was put over the top by Jon and of course we all loved him for it because this was the Buccaneers finally reaching the paramount of the NFL after being as low as you could get for so long.

Things fell apart last year as Jon Gruden started to follow a trend that previous Buccaneer coaches have shown and fallen with — Absolute power corrupts absolutely. The Glazer’s catered to his every whim and the only guy who stood in his way was Rich McKay…

Was, past tense. Rich left the only franchise he had known and went north to Atlanta… Jon was allowed to keep walking the walk he wanted and the Bucs continued the downward spiral.

A trend from Oakland seems to be in place here — not just a desire for veteran players over building a team from the ground up with talented youngsters, but also a “Just win, baby” mentality that tells players their off-field antics amount to shit as long as they perform on the field.

Case in point – Michael Pittman remains on the Buccaneer roster even though he is guilty of ramming his car into his wifes vehicle with children inside. He faces possible jail time and Jon Gruden could give a shit.

The Bucs picked up another ass-clown from the Raiders in the form of Bruce Allen who cut one foo the greatest players in Tampa Bay Buccaneer history – John Lynch — and signed one of the most notorious players in NFL history — Darrell Russell, who drugged a girl and taped him and his friends raping her.
Allen went so far as to compare Russell with former president Bill Clinton and said the rapist is guilty of less crimes than Clinton. (side-note, Allen’s brother is a Republican Senator in Virginia)

I could keep going with moves the Bucs have made and crimes their players have committed since the Super Bowl Championship, but I can’t. It’s watching a train wreck as it occurs and their are more people than just myself who can see this. For the first time since Raymond James Stadium was opened, their are tickets available on Ticketmaster for Buccaneers games this late after the initial public offering of tickets. The Bucs boast a season ticket waiting list of 110 thousand but all it takes is filling out a form online in order to do so. Somehow, my name is on the Season Ticket waiting list and I hate watching football in person. I didn’t sign up and I don’t have the foggiest clue how I got on there…

The number is artificially inflated and more than half of those on this waiting list would not invest in the current product on field.

I look at the Buccaneers this season and I see the train wreck in progress. I feel bad for guys like Derrick Brooks and Mike Alstott who are pillars in the community and who will be cut lose if it meant a marginal offensive tool could be picked up. The once vaulted defense is in shambles and Jon Gruden was given a contract extension before the season to continue is free reign over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

6-10 may be a reach but 4-12 is still a possibility this season. Break out the orange, it’s Yuccaneer football all over again.

Oh how the Mighty have fallen.

Off Wing Opinion quotes two articles with regards to the breaking of the Sports news leader… The once cultish sports network has risen to carrying all 4 major sports, along with poker and other side leagues, and a promotional arm for it’s owner: Disney.

Honestly I watched for a while after Keith Olbermaan left ESPN for MSNBC… I never really fell in love with Kenny Mayne, but that’s not the real downfall of ESPN (losing an anchor). It started when Keith left the Big Show and ESPN looked for Olbermaan clones… It seemed everyone had to have extra quips and had to try to add tag lines to scores… Stuart Scott and Rich Eisen were ok with it, other people doing it just seemed a little weird if not lame.

Then Sportscenter started just getting too flash-in-th-pan for me. The News seemed to fade and trying to boost sports personalities seemed to get a rise. I was getting ESPN: The Magazine for a time and I canceled my subscription because they were hyping players that shouldn’t be hyped and trying to make me feel sorry for multi-millionaires while the relevance of the articles that appeared in the magazine seemed to degrade with every single issue.

ESPN used to stand for news to me. I grew up watching the morning editions of Sportscenter before running off to school. There were tag lines and zingers used in those days but there was also the NEWS relevance part of the coverage. It wasn’t a promo with regards to a top team, but it was a report on news of teams around he league. Sure, shitty teams didn’t get a ton of coverage but when they DID you knew they were either playing someone relevant or they themselves were becoming more relevant. I used to judge the barometer of the Bucs and Bolts through replays on ESPN, or commentary by ESPN Analysts.

I haven’t watched Sportscenter in years now… not a full episode at least. I don’t watch NFL Primetime anymore because of garbage they’ve had the last few years (including Rush Limbaugh) and the coverage of the NHL playoffs further made me loathe the former sports leader.

I miss the old days of ESPN, but of course those are never to return… But maybe someday, someone, somewhere will figure out that sports enthusiasts want to have in depth reporting and not annoying TV personalities. Sure, we’d like some entertainment with our sports but we don’t want TV ties, Film ties and other corporate ties shoved down our throats.