The high for December 24th

81 degrees in Pinellas County, Florida on Christmas Eve. There are millions of Americans that have endured the cold of the late fall and the first few days of Winter with sub-freezing temperatures, snow, ice, and all the weather that marks the season (and the problems they cause).

I get eighty-one degrees… And I’m not in the seasonal mood one bit because of it.

I don’t mean to play the Grinch, or make those up north jealous and play out like I’m ungrateful for having temperate weather as we pass the winter solstice… But I don’t get into the seasonal spirit any more seeing green trees around me (where trees won’t finish shedding leaves until February/March and grow them right back again). In fact it makes Christmas displays feel like Las Vegas light shows instead of the true time of the holiday that I know. It’s easier to tell the season by looking at store displays than with the weather outside.

In Florida you get two seasons: Spring and Summer. Oh, it gets chilly once in a while but every Spring has it’s cold days. And while some may want to defend the fact that it’s winter right now, even in Florida, I must ask how many places consider winter a growing season? In the northern hemisphere, I mean…

Eighty-one degrees… On Christmas eve. I’m sitting here with the grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side-of-the-fence mentality. 20 years ago I was jealous of my father being in Florida while we froze our buns off in New York. Right now, I’d rather endure the seasonal shift to cold — because not only would it ring in the time of year better, but it’d make me more appreciative of the warmth of summer. It’s hard to do that when your average temperature is 90 degrees with a sixty percent humidity for most of the year.

Maybe the new year will afford me the chance to escape Tampa Bay. I’d take it, but I don’t think that’s in the cards.

Hope everybody had a great Christmas.

Well, it’s been over a year since I left Netflix and what did Santa bring me but a one year gift subscription.  Ho Ho Ho…  I’m trying to build up my queue again and there are a number of films I have flat out forgotten about over the past few weeks and months that I would like to see.

At the top of my queue is War of the Worlds and Sahara. I’ve also got Seaon 3 of 24 in there, Murderball, March of the Penguins, Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Team America – World Police, Crash, Constantine and a few others… But I know or sure I’m forgetting a lot of flicks and can us some recommendations. I’ve seen a few thanks to cable and owning the DVD’s (so please no one suggest Batman Begins or the last Star Wars sequel)…

Fair warning people….

Eight more months till Christmas. Those shopping days are counting down to a very precious few.

I got nostalgic yesterday a bit not just because of where I was and who I was with, but also someoen I ended up talking to via email….

Eric Rosell, one of my best friends growing up – the kid aroudn the corner – got married in a small ceremony at a local church. It was the first time I had seen his parents in a few months, the first time I had seen his brother in a few years and the first time I had seen his sister in more years. It was amazing I was attending Eric’s wedding, surreal even. (sidenote – is it bad luck if a Catholic is married on teh day the Pope dies? I hope not)

I grew up playing or hanging out at Eric’s house. I was the one that was first notably enamoured with someone of the opposite sex… Or at least the first to make a big deal otu of love and romance and stuff like that. This, that and the other thing – I saw my childhood before me — even as it disappeared further.

The nostalgia didn’t end there as I heard from Danae – the girl who live ddownt eh block for a time who I was flipped out for. I had sent her an email wishing her a happy birthday — strange how sometimes you feel like it’s not yoru place to say soemthing like that and yet you have no problem with doing so with other people who are almost complete strangers. She got to breaking me the news her grandmother – who lives down the block – had passed away at Christmas (which I wasn’t aware of) and other things. I remembered being smitten with the saphire-eyed girl who lived at the corner… I thought of the memory of the past – and the awkwardness and malignance the relationship had in general.

But of all negatives in the past – they’ve been forgiven. If not forgotten by me.

No matter what goes on or how mundane things are, I’ve found i have a knack for raising the bar for friends just a little bit here adn there… Just by being myself. Making someone’s day is not something new to me but it’s something that I hadn’t done in a while – well, not conciously.

I could bring up Christmas and gift selections on my part — I got everyone something they loved with exception given to my older brother (who hates everything people get him) and my father (who doesn’t give a care anyway). It was nice to see everyone a bit excited or happy with gifts.

But that was Christmas. What about now?

Well, yesterday I find out Danielle’s birthday is today… And I decide to go benevolent and send her flowers. Just a friendly gift as she is engaged and we’ve demonstrated that we’re not the best for each other. I start talkign to her today and she’s miserable because she’s had her birthday overlooked by her fiancé…. She’s had it ill planned by her future mother in law… She was brroding. She had Rob (her significant other) call and she brougth him down by being down herself. Bummer.

Then the flowers arrive… Just some daisey’s… And you know how big something like that is and how little it is in the grand scheme…? How much of a mood changer it was?

I’m good with shit like that… In all the mundane bullshit that I can whine about, lack of romance and lack of social circle, I can know that I am able to do things that can change someone’s day around or show I care. Maybe this is why I get hurt? Maybe this is why I’m vulnerable?

Maybe this is why I’m one of a kind?

Oh well….

Please Come Home for Christmas

Bells will be ringing the sad, sad news
Oh what a Christmas to have the blues
My baby’s gone I have no friends
To wish me greetings once again

Choirs will be singing “Silent Night”
Christmas carols by candlelight
Please come home for Christmas,
Please come home for Christmas
If not for Christmas, by New Year’s night

Friends and relations send salutations
Sure as the stars shine above
For this is Christmas, yes, Christmas my dear
It’s the time of year to be with the one you love

So won’t you tell me you’ll never more roam
Christmas and New Year’s will find you home
There’ll be no more sorrow, no grief and pain
And I’ll be happy, I’ll be happy, once again

There’ll be no more sorrow, no grief and pain
And I’ll be happy, happy Christmas, once again

Wishing all the best to everyone… Wishing peace and harmony to the world…. Hoping for better days… Praying for more understanding…. Sending out love to all.

Merry Christmas

Random Christmas Eve rants —

I hate having to play the dick but that is what happened a littler earlier today – maybe I didn’t exactly play it but listening to someone start falling all over themselves for the umpteenth time and putting themselves into a shit situation — a dick is all I could be.

This very person had remarked about going with your head and not with yoru heart and how things will be nifty right at the start… This person also happened to tell me, a few minutes later, that she was “in love” with an abusive, controlling, insecure prick who wanted to keep her as a possesion and not as a person.

Over a couple of weeks chatting with this girl, I’d feed her logic and a few days later she comes back with “You were right.” And yet her own self-hate, self-loathing and low self-esteem leads her to punish herself… “This is the best I can do.” “I don’t deserve better”, “I’m not good for anythign more.”

I was also told by this same little girl that I shouldn’t settle for anyone or anything, that I seem like the person who would strive for just what they want… That’s true in a lot of ways but if there is anyone in life that has been resigned to the fact he’s got to settle in the end – its me. You can have personality up the waazoo, you can be sweet and romantic and a really funny guy… You can be selfless or benevolent but it really amounts to shit with people if you got a few things wrong with your person, or don’t meet the market ideal of what a lover should be.

…

And for the record, you don’t write off people and leave them in the cold (or — even worse — confess to avoiding them) at times when they need your friendship… Or to pull that act 3 or 4 tiems and expect continued benevolence. You can’t expect a friend if you can’t be one… but that’s a cold November story so we’ll just leave it be.

…

Maybe someone needs to get typing lessons for Christmas. I type fast and don’t copy edit and what happens? I look like I don’t know how to spell anything (typo after typo).

….

Anyone who tells me they don’t deserve, is full of shit. Anyone who puts up with someone’s abuse is either too in-love or just too insecure to go back to what they had with nothing. Anyone who falls in love with someone else but gets engaged to the guy they are dating just becasue she wasn’t ready to break up yet… Well, that’s just fooling everyone and setting up for problems. You can want to share a bed with someoen but, dear God, you’re REALLY setting up to get screwed by drawing it out like that!

…

And by the way… Bryan? Not that you read my blog but you really shouldn’t get so upset over Liz. Yes there were a few misteps there but give it time, buddy. Just be a friend or try to be and be content with that. Keep your eyes open as well, you never know what else is goign to come along (and actually be clear about their intentions instead of wishy-washy like a middle-school girl.

Two quotes are ringing in my head…. One from a movie, one from a song…. Tis the season for these things to hurt.

How do you pick up the pieces of an old life? How do you go on? When in your heart you begin to understand, there is no going back. There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts go too deep… and they’ve taken hold.
– Frodo Baggins, Lord Of The Rings: Return of the King”

Bells will be ringing the sad, sad news
Oh, what a Christmas to have the blues
My baby’s gone, I have no friends
To wish me greetings once again

Choirs will be singing Silent Night
Christmas carols, by candle light
Please come home for Christmas
Please come home for Christmas
If not for Christmas, by New Years night
– Please Come Home for Christmas

It’s occured to me a lot the last few days that it’s been almost exactly a year since I went under the knife… The difference a year makes is immense in so many ways and yet the more things have improved, the more they stay the same with various faccets of my life.

Today we had somewhere around 20 people over for dinner… well, 20 people would be a few too many but it fluctuated in the teens all afternoon. Uncle’s, my aunt, my cousin and her daughter, my younger brother (while Mike skipped out on things) and other family friends. It was a great get-together for the most part and I had a lot of fun with things.

I brought up what I am thankful for (“That I’m not lying in a hospital bed this year.” ) to a round of applause and through the liquor and the laughter I easily forgot where I was a year ago today or what I suffered through at the time (no, not surgery — watching George W. Bush and his faux visit to Iraq).

But someone had to ruin the day for me.

It wasn’t family – though their reaction did indeed bother me. It wasn’t friends of the family – though I notably started acting strange when some people showed up. No, it was the fact certain people turned up with both their kids in tote that I had problems with. I mean MAJOR problems. It basically ruined the evening for me….

The family pretty much embraced them and that made me further angry — as someone who has opened his arms after being stepped on and then gotten stepped on again, I couldn’t stand to watch this train wreck in action.

Speaking of train wrecks, I was happy to see Kylie was walking. Kylie being my cousin Amber’s daughter. I had gotten very upset during her first birthday party when I saw not only was she not walking but she looked like she wasn’t nearly ready for it. I’m glad I’ve been proved wrong on that one.

So… To summarize — a year later I am in good spiriits. I’m not wasting away in a hospital bed with only a friend at my side and a Subway sandwitch to eat. I’m happy I am spending time with my family and out and about… I’m thankful that I’m not having nightmares of someone’s blog or having Christmas Cards thrown out…

I’m thankful….

Well, what happened with Johnny when he lost his Grand Theft Auto: Vice City and Playstation 2?

He started playing with his Christmas presents…

I had received to different computer games to bide my time with at Christmas but I hadn’t installed them until mid January and barely played the first one. The second one was Sim City 4 and that was fun but it gets old fast.

So I went back to the first game I got / installed — Star Wars, Knights of the Old Republic

This game is usually heralded by gamers for it’s challenges and it’s depth, and I have to agree with that. I am not a hardcore gamer, nor will I ever know the depth and versatility of Video Games like, say, Gabe and Tycho over at Penny Arcade… But for me, Knights of the Old Republic was truly a fun game and a challenge… And personally? Thinking of the story line (well, there are several alternate story-lines, mind you, but for the sake of the argument – the one that has the main character a Jedi Knight and not a Sith Lord) could very well serve as a movie… No, not another one tied to the destiny of the original or prequel Star Wars trilogies…. A new movie with a stress on PREQUEL – no ties to the movies you know besides Sith Lords, Jedi Knights and Tatoonie.

I won’t publish any tips or hints here (how can I? I suck :p but I will guide any KOTOR gamers who are stuck to Gamebanshee… They were my savior at certain points in this game and I am looking forward to playing it again sometime in the future — just not yet. Not yet indeed.

Oh, one thing that sorta bummed me out at the end — the hero doesn’t get the girl! It ends up sorta like the end of the original Star Wars movie with a medal ceremony… And yet there is this small buildup of a relationship between one character and another and at the end — nothing happens! No kiss, no hug, no admittance of feelings… Nothing! Nada! Zip! Zero! Zilch! Ugh, how unforfilling! Oh well, it’s only a computer game…..