The wine has no flavor anymore
The spark from her lips has died
Her words have faded and now mean nothing
Was my love just a precious lie??

The gifts have long since been used
My smiles have turned to frowns
She makes no effort in hopes to arouse me
With sweet kisses or elegant gowns

The title “best friend” has now gone to sorrow
And dreams of her never enter my brain
I fear that our loving does now escape us
And I will end up living the blame

My loving for her used to be like a candle
That dances and savors the air
But the wick has grown short
And the air has grown fogged
And I’m dying, but she does not care

Was it a lie, the feelings I felt?
Should I have taken another trail?
Should I have avoided her caress –
And her sweet, somber sorrow
And not felt whole when she touched my flame?

I know not the answers to these idle problems
I do not know who’s guilt is to blame
I only sit back writing poems and anthems
Of regret and my feelings of shame

© 1999 John P. Fontana

A time to every purpose
Except this ongoing circus
Of fear and fate, malignant deeds,
Sore for sight eyes and tumbleweeds

Been mislead in all directions
Vote’s been voided in all elections

Lacking course
Searching for a sign
Or a loving hand to help me by

And suppose my purpose never comes?
Or even worse — it never was?
Falling down a flight of stairs
Life’s reasons are never what they seem

Lonliness is what I fear
Reasonless is what draws near
…And a time to every purpose
Except my own

© 2005 John Fontana

Spin the Wheel
Toss the Dice
Deal a wild joker from the bottom of the deck
It’s time to squander away your fortune of dreams
On a game with an ultimate prize

All you desire is this lone jackpot
Which would leave you satisfied enough
To leave the table a winner this one time
And never glance back at your loathed pastime

But the game is tough, as it’s always been
Dealing in favor of your unacknowledged foe
As it always has

Yet you find yourself playing with a winning hand
But you fear too greatly the hidden cards
Your rival still holds back
The Ultimate question you just can’t face:
“Am I good enough to win?”

So, you fold Dreading only the unknown,
And knowing only the what-could-have been
And by that alone are you the loser
For not taking the chance while you had it
And losing all you coveted to a victor by chance

© 1996 John P. Fontana

So where was I?

Oh, yeah… Dwelling on inevitability. Surgery. All that joyous stuff that makes life grand for me. August 7th, 2007 was an extremely surreal experience in that my focus had to be elsewhere instead of impending doom and gloom (thank you Oren Koules, Jim Sherrin and Doug Maclean). Surreal may be a strong word for it. A grand, welcome distraction might be a better phrasing. Having a friend come over to spend some time with me and further distract me only aided to things.

The next day was no better – wanting to deal with that story and yet lying in a hospital gurney most of the day while waiting an angiogram: the pre-operative procedure as bad as I dreaded (but with a great staff of physicians trying to deal with my issues and some medical breakthroughs since my last angiogram that kept me from being bed ridden).

You know, I feel like I’m being shallow in the details but at the same time — there weren’t many meaty details before I was trucked off to the ninth floor at Tampa General Hospital where I stayed overnight before surgery. Besides pain issues with thanks to the angiogram, everything went swimmingly.

And how can I properly term my stay at TGH besides saying I was surrounded by good omens and positive energy? Days previous to surgery, I’d gotten a religious card sent to me with the only Patron Saint I identify with. It’s sorta grim but after I learned about him (and wrote about a poem where I invoked him) I didn’t see it as an ill omen as-so-much familiarity. I can deal with familiarity.

When I got to the ninth floor, who greets me warmly but an old friend from High School who works as an Registered Nurse on the floor? It was good mojo to see her, realize who she was and have come right up to me and say hi.

Another thing that was positive and yet drenched with negativity was a nurse I had overnight who I couldn’t understand due to her accent. She was warm, pleasant and tried her best to overcome things and I foudn myself mad that I had gotten frustrated with her.

(more…)

So there has been rain in the Tampa Bay area the last few days, yay rain…

…Whoopty friggin’ do.

Anyone in Pinellas County that wants to think we’re in the clear with drought conditions need only look at the official Pinellas county rain gauge on their web site. It feels sick and cruel that the tally through today (July 2nd) is 10.59 inches of rain for the year.

2007 is half way finished and we’re only about one fifth of the way to the average rainfall total (Clearwater, Florida’s average yearly rainfall total is 49 inches according to Florida Living Network. The St. Pete Chamber of Commerce lists the city of St. Petersburg’s annual rainfall total at 48+ Inches).

We haven’t hit the Fourth of July yet, nor the peak of the hurricane season (two sub-tropical storms and only a bit of rain from both) and I’m fearing how our water outlook will come November.

As everyone knows, there are conservatives out there at current who are adamant Bill Clinton was soft on terrorism and has been trying to paint that picture since earlier this month through every disinformation channel available to them.

Yet, to those who actually believe Clinton was soft on terrorism or just plain didn’t do enough to fight terror — look at what Orrin Hatch, Trent Lott and others of the GOP were up to stopping President Clinton from having some of the very same issues that Congress now rubber-stamps for President Bush today.  That link and the following quote from CNN in July of 1996:

“We need to keep this country together right now. We need to focus on this terrorism issue,” Clinton said during a White House news conference.

But while the president pushed for quick legislation, Republican lawmakers hardened their stance against some of the proposed anti-terrorism measures.

Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott, R-Mississippi, doubted that the Senate would rush to action before they recess this weekend. The Senate needs to study all the options, he said, and trying to get it done in the next three days would be tough.

One key GOP senator was more critical, calling a proposed study of chemical markers in explosives “a phony issue.”

I wonder if old Orrin stood up and argued how the entire gels-and-liquids scare that has helped slow down the queue in airports for the last few weeks was phony… Or did he “wise up on the issue” where politicians who change stances today are known as flip-floppers?

But wait, it gets better.

Back in April of 1996 — the US House approved an anti-terror legislation that was severely watered down from what President Clinton had been proposing and the Senate had passed.  This was near the one-year anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing and several months prior to TWA Flight 800’s crash (along with the Centennial Park bombing at the Olympics in Atlanta):

Republicans were divided on whether the legislation would be effective.

“We have a measure that will give us a strong upper hand in the battle to prevent and punish domestic and international terrorism,” Senate Majority Leader and presumptive GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole said Wednesday.

But Sen. Don Nickles, R-Oklahoma, while praising the bill, said the country remains “very open” to terrorism. “Will it stop any acts of terrorism, domestic and international? No,” he said, adding, “We don’t want a police state.”

Some lawmakers took a more prudent view of the bill. “The balance between public safety and order and individual rights is always a difficult dilemma in a free society,” said Rep. Gerald Solomon, R-New York.

(emphasis added by me)

Now what’s my point in this and what constructive items can we take from it?

Ten years ago, there was a sensible conservatism out there that said individuals had rights, and it’s a thin line between individual rights and safety. The Republicans once knew that and they put the country’s civil liberties before the terrorism fight.

Now? Well, you should know…

The world didn’t change on 9-11 as the neoconservatives in control of the Republican party have worked very hard to make the country believe. It was our national courage that did. If you’re giving into your fear for the sake of safety and blaming all of this on the other guy in order to feel more secure at this very moment, you’re a coward and a fool who has become blinded from right-and-wrong with thanks to your party-of-choice in power.

I don’t want to sound like a conspiracy theory wacko but something is really starting to bug the shit out of me with everything at current…

I wasn’t going to write a blog post about this concern up until I put on Bay News 9 here in the Tampa Bay area and their nightly news anchor, Al Rueschel, presented the latest piece that broke the camels back for me.

9-1-1 calls from the World Trade Center on 9-11.

You have the terrorist bust in the UK and airline rule changes in the aftermath, you have suspected bombs showing up on airplanes, in airport terminals and in ports…

Is it a heightened sense of awareness by the public or is someone screwing with us?

Martin Riggs (Mel Gibson) said in the first Lethal Weapon film that the evidence was “too thin” regarding the death of a hooker. Though I’d like to believe we’re just being more vigilant right now, with everyone trying to scare the shit out of each other every time you turn on the news – I just don’t see this as a case of vigilance. I see this as timing things appropriately for political gain. The 9-11 tapes sealed my suspicion… Playing a taped recording of a woman crying that she is going to die is just the last raw emphasis that tells the public “you should be afraid – this can happen to you unless you do what we say.”

I haven’t tried this in a long time – the last story I published in part on this blog was never competed (“Peter’s Problem” just rambles on and on) and never got any opinions on pieces fo the story I DID publish.

At any rate, I told people about this story in an earlier entry… There is no title to it as it stands right now and it’s just a few hundred words… Let me know what you think if you think anything about it… Just click on more to view it.

(more…)

Well, well, well, the Pinellas County MPO gave their blessing to a slightly-poor-but-better-than-nothing Monorail system in Pinellas County. The seeds of Mass transit are either sown or they are buried before their funeral has commenced.

I’m not a big fan of the separate-but-equal mass transit planning of the Bay area, that’s part of the reason why I call the plan slightly poor. I’m also not a fan of the idea that the current scheme basically ignores commuters in North Pinellas who have the farthest to travel.

But my opinions on Pinellas County Mass Transit and the proposal are better than my opinion on some of the comments coming from Pinellas County Commissioners who are against the concept. Let’s take Susan Latvala for example:

“I just think we’re too developed to integrate something into our system,” County Commissioner Susan Latvala said. “We’re way too far down the road for this.”

When things get built out – that’s when Mass Transit comes into play. Why doesn’t that logic register with Latvala? Has she ever been out of Pinellas County? What IS the solution if not a rail system? Wider roads? More roads?

I guess Susan is resigned to the idea that every commissioner from this point on should be convincing Pinellas County residents they can’t do shit about traffic…

This plan is part of a coordinated mass-transit effort that Karen Seel can’t quite grasp:

“In 95-degree weather, will someone really take the rail and walk the rest of the way?” said Seel, the MPO chairwoman.

I guess she doesn’t have much confidence in how well coordinated this will be with buses and trolleys as was stated in the MPO endorsement. Buses running in coordination with rail stations cut down on wait times. As it stands right now, Pinellas County buses are running in a non-coordinated effort and in poor run times. Seel’s statement gives blessing for this – not seeing mass transit improvements tied to the monorail system.

Either it’s a step forward or a step deeper into the back-water politics of Tampa Bay. Only time will tell if Pinellas will make the right call on mass transit instead of allowing further traffic fatalities and headaches because of commission indolence and fears of the unknown.

A time to every purpose
Except this ongoing circus
Of fear and fate, malignant deeds,
Sore for sight eyes and tumbleweeds

Been mislead in all directions
Vote’s been voided in all elections

Lacking course
Searching for a sign
Or a loving hand to help me by

And suppose my purpose never comes?
Or even worse — it never was?
Falling down a flight of stairs
Life’s reasons are never what they seem

Lonliness is what I fear
Reasonless is what draws near
…And a time to every purpose
Except my own

© 2005 John Fontana