Every time I bring a dog up at home – watching dogs for friends or having another dog in teh household – I get a flat out “no” from family.

Excuses and lack of discussion – and gang-up-on-John BS.

Well, how do I break it to everyone that I bought a dog months ago? Especially when I show up with her next week?

Another Labor induction is forthcoming for one of my friends. My local friend Michelle had labor induced a day before finally delieverying her daughter Lily Annabelle.

Now? My friend Terra up in Tallahasee is having labor induced (for medical reasons – high BP on her part and swelling) today. … I’ve only just heard from her about what is going on.

Hope she has an easier time than Michelle…

So I’m sitting down, watching the opening minutes of House last night on FOX and end up going hysterical over the fact that House drugged his former lovers husband and called the paramedics before he even arrived… It just seemed so funny and prick-ish and just perfect for Greg House (Hugh Laurie, who hath erased the mockery of his abilities that was his role in the Stuart Little movies were).

My older brother walks in on me to see why I am laughing so hard, and once i explained to him his face lit up a bit and he started relating to me how he loves the show… and so do his friends who call him House when they see him….

Mike’s always been weird in one way or another and I started thinking about the comparison between him and Greg House. House is distant, he’s bitingly sarcastic, shrewd, genius, cold… Mike is… Well, Mike is all of those things, except he’ll smile more often than House, he’ll joke more often than House (for the good of humor, not out of sarcastic desire).

Mike IS Greg House.

I’ve known women who’ve wanted to grab the mystery for themselves with Mike. You can’t quite imagine women wanting House but the mystery about him is there…. Helping to drive Dr. Cameron unsuccessfully towards him.

It’s odd, first my brother happens to look like David Duchovney… Now he happens to be like Greg House. What’s next? He starts making as much money as (insert movie star here)?

I got nostalgic yesterday a bit not just because of where I was and who I was with, but also someoen I ended up talking to via email….

Eric Rosell, one of my best friends growing up – the kid aroudn the corner – got married in a small ceremony at a local church. It was the first time I had seen his parents in a few months, the first time I had seen his brother in a few years and the first time I had seen his sister in more years. It was amazing I was attending Eric’s wedding, surreal even. (sidenote – is it bad luck if a Catholic is married on teh day the Pope dies? I hope not)

I grew up playing or hanging out at Eric’s house. I was the one that was first notably enamoured with someone of the opposite sex… Or at least the first to make a big deal otu of love and romance and stuff like that. This, that and the other thing – I saw my childhood before me — even as it disappeared further.

The nostalgia didn’t end there as I heard from Danae – the girl who live ddownt eh block for a time who I was flipped out for. I had sent her an email wishing her a happy birthday — strange how sometimes you feel like it’s not yoru place to say soemthing like that and yet you have no problem with doing so with other people who are almost complete strangers. She got to breaking me the news her grandmother – who lives down the block – had passed away at Christmas (which I wasn’t aware of) and other things. I remembered being smitten with the saphire-eyed girl who lived at the corner… I thought of the memory of the past – and the awkwardness and malignance the relationship had in general.

But of all negatives in the past – they’ve been forgiven. If not forgotten by me.

Stuck With You

We’ve had some fun, and yes we’ve had our ups and downs
Been down that rocky road, but here we are, still around
We thought about someone else, but neither one took the bait
We thought about breaking up, but now we know it’s much too late
We are bound by all the rest
Like the same phone number
All the same friends
And the same address

Yes, it’s true, (yes it’s true) I am happy to be stuck with you
Yes, it’s true, (yes it’s true) I’m so happy to be stuck with you
‘Cause I can see, (I can see) that you’re happy to be stuck with me

We’ve had our doubts, we never took them seriously
And we’ve had our ins and outs, but that’s the way it’s supposed to be
We thought about giving up, but we could never stay away
Thought about breaking up, but now we know it’s much too late
And it’s no great mystery
If we change our minds
Eventually, it’s back to you and me

Yes, it’s true, (yes it’s true) I am happy to be stuck with you
Yes, it’s true, (yes it’s true) I’m so happy to be stuck with you
‘Cause I can see, (I can see) that you’re happy to be stuck with me

We are bound by all the rest
Like the same phone number
All the same friends
And the same address

Yes, it’s true, (yes it’s true) I am happy to be stuck with you
Yes, it’s true, (yes it’s true) I’m so happy to be stuck with you
‘Cause I can see, (I can see) that you’re happy to be stuck with me
(yes it’s true) I’m so happy to be stuck with you
I’m happy to be stuck with you
Happy to be stuck with you.

I need a date for a wedding.

Michelle and Josh are tying the knot on the day b efore Valentines (Bill’s birthday in fact) and of corus ei am invited which is great but at the same time — going alone is not something I want to do.

And yet candidates to go to the wedding with me – friends or more – are few and far between. Some people have tread on that friendship with me and I’d be reaching down to ask her to go. Others are either too far or just might feel too awkward to go. Of coruse, me not even asking and jumping to conclusions makes things worse than they are.

But then again, it’d be easier if I knew exactly who to ask and wasn’t just takign them as a friend…. But seeing I’m not in arelationship and not nearly in one… it’ll be just friends for this thing.

She says I do it willingly and to an extent, I do.

Not being in a relationship, still trying to find someone who appeals to me and attracts me (futile, I know) , I’m putting myself through the wringer listening to other girls I am friends with talking about their boyfriends or talking to me about their girlfriends or talking to me about some other type of personal problem… And I give advice and what not.

Trying to make someone else happy while I’m not. Oh well.

But the thing is, in some instances, I feel so good at what I’m doing. Telling a friend not to hurt herself because she’s hurting her at-a-distance boyfriend by doing so. Telling another girl not to dwell on a jerk from Match.com who kissed her and then put her on ignore on AOL IM. Then there’s Melanie talking about things with hubby and Terra talking about things with Matt and with baby and….

And John puts himself into it all because John doesn’t have someone to put himself into emotionally.

Does it fill a void? No, not really… I can’t say it’s good or bad for me either… Time will tell, I’m thinking this is just a phase so I’ll be back to goofy-John instead of wanna-be-Yoda John who tries to come off all knowing and wise.

“Do or do not, there is no try….”

taken from a conversation with a female friend…

friend: wanna hear something funny? Rob is more insecure about me talking to you than he is about me talking to Eric
friend: how do you like that? YOU are threatening
me:
me: It took me a minute to really fathom this…
friend: yeah, Eric called me last night, and I had Rob answer my phone (because i didn’t reconize the number and I’m hiding from bill collectors) and he wasn’t too upset about it
me: If he only knew….
me: what did Eric have to say last night? Just checking up on you?
friend: yeah just calling to say hi, we haven’t talked since before the holidays and I don’t know what made him think to call me, but we just talked about the site and his health and all that jazz
friend: mind you, Rob did get jealous, but not as jealous as he gets of you
….
me: You should have him talk to me if you think that would difuse things.

but then again I’m getting a kick out of this so iets put that off as long as possible

It’s hilarious to think that I get someone jealous. It makes me feel good that I can actually make someoen who is physically superior to me jealous for that matter. As someone with his own insecurities, this is a bit of an ego boost. Of course having a friend who cares about me enough to talk about that friendship with her significant other is also pretty heartwarming…. But knowing that me and this friend could never really be more, and for Rob to be jealous of me is like a cat being jealous of a dog panting. It makes no sense.

But it’s sure fun to think about

No matter what goes on or how mundane things are, I’ve found i have a knack for raising the bar for friends just a little bit here adn there… Just by being myself. Making someone’s day is not something new to me but it’s something that I hadn’t done in a while – well, not conciously.

I could bring up Christmas and gift selections on my part — I got everyone something they loved with exception given to my older brother (who hates everything people get him) and my father (who doesn’t give a care anyway). It was nice to see everyone a bit excited or happy with gifts.

But that was Christmas. What about now?

Well, yesterday I find out Danielle’s birthday is today… And I decide to go benevolent and send her flowers. Just a friendly gift as she is engaged and we’ve demonstrated that we’re not the best for each other. I start talkign to her today and she’s miserable because she’s had her birthday overlooked by her fiancé…. She’s had it ill planned by her future mother in law… She was brroding. She had Rob (her significant other) call and she brougth him down by being down herself. Bummer.

Then the flowers arrive… Just some daisey’s… And you know how big something like that is and how little it is in the grand scheme…? How much of a mood changer it was?

I’m good with shit like that… In all the mundane bullshit that I can whine about, lack of romance and lack of social circle, I can know that I am able to do things that can change someone’s day around or show I care. Maybe this is why I get hurt? Maybe this is why I’m vulnerable?

Maybe this is why I’m one of a kind?

Oh well….

I’m ending this year on Der Stonegauge with a post with lyrics from not the most happiest of songs… In fact I used to get down watching this video and listening to this song…

But reading the lyrics over again, Michael Stipe wasn’t out to down people with this thing. He was out to keep them around a little longer.

In the face of things in this world that are not good – from politics to disasters, unjustified wars, self absorbed people and the heartbreak they cause – just seem to justify the song… Don’t throw your hand, cuz everybody hurts sometimes. When the night is long and yours alone – remember you’re not alone because everybody hurts sometimes….

Everybody Hurts

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
when you’re sure you’ve had enough of this life, well hang on.
Don’t let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it’s time to sing along.
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
if you feel like letting go, (hold on)
when you think you’ve had too much of this life, well hang on.

Everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends.
Everybody hurts. Don’t throw your hand. Oh, no. Don’t throw your hand.
If you feel like you’re alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you’re on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
when you think you’ve had too much of this life to hang on.

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes.
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on.
Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. (repeat & fade)
(Everybody hurts. You are not alone.)

(Copyright © R.E.M./Athens Ltd. for all R.E.M. originals).

Happy New Year, ladies and gentlemen. Let us have hope for 2005 – a sight more than what has been provided for us as a race in 2004.