In simplicity, it’s about someone not able to work up the courage to talk to the object of their affection:

I was focusing on this today – the computer problems… And focusing on things going on around me here at home… When it really hit me what today was… I happened to be channel surfing at the time and Imagine: John Lennon showed up on the screen and I felt like I was committing blesphamy….

I hadn’t forgotten. I had just dismissed things… And the documentary really threw me back into realizing the relevance of the day and the significance of what was lost.

Rest in peace, John Ono Lennon. Rest in peace.

In My Life (Lennon/McCartney)

There are places I’ll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more

Well, thank you America, you have done a mighty job filling me with doubt and ridding me of my faith and hope for the future.

My older borther Michael sent me a quote from Terry Goodkind’s Faith of the Fallen which seesm rather fitting at this point.

“The only sovereign I can allow to rule me is reason. The first law of reason is this: what exists exists; what is, is. From this irreducible, bedrock principle, all knowledge is built. This is the foundation from which life is embraced.

“Reason is a choice. Wishes and whims are not facts, nor are they a means to discovering them. Reason is our only way of grasping reality – it’s our basic tool of survival. We are free to evade the effort of thinking, to reject reason, but we are not free to avoid the penalty of the abyss we refuse to see.

“If I fail to use reason in this struggle, if I close my eyes to the reality of what is, in favor of what I would wish, then we will both die in this, and for nothing. We will be but two more among uncounted millions of nameless corpses beneath the gray, gloomy decay of mankind. In the darkness that will follow, our bones will be meaningless dust.

“Eventually, perhaps a thousand years from now, perhaps more, the light of liberty will again be raised up to shine over a free people, but between now and then, millions upon millions of people will be born into hopeless misery and have no choice but to bear the weight of the Order’s yoke. We, by ignoring reason, will have purchased those mountains of broken bodies, the wreckage of lives endured but never lived.”

And I WANT to give, I NEED to give… I hate just sitting around like a schmoe and not giving something…. That just feels really lowball.

The key problem areas are my older brother Michael and my father. Mike’s birthday comes up in a couple of weeks (August 29th) and basically he has taken an anti-materialism vow — though he seems like the most materialistic son of a bitch sometimes. He also seems to be very much into Pool lately so I am going to have to see if I can find something that fits along those lines as a gift (and no, a cue is out of the quesiton – he just bought one).

Meanwhile, I have another month before my fathers birthday. If Mike is hard to shop for, my father is impossible. ANy time of year, any holiday — outlandishly impossible. It’d be easier getting him a few days off at a casino than getting him anything material or meaningful…

IAnd I am 2 months away from #25…. I’m due out in LA on my birthday — if I can do something other than my usual trips to LA that are uneventful, it willb e a good day all by itself.

Meaning for the first time in their history, the Tampa Bay Lightning are regular season Eastern Conference champs and secure home ice advantage throughout the playoffs! :woot

Lemme say this again because this is weighty stuff for anyone who has been following this team since their inception, through the ups and downs:

THE TAMPA BAY LIGHTNING ARE REGULAR SEASON EASTERN CONFERENCE CHAMPIONS!

Yes, this means absolutely jack shit in the playoffs, but this is still an incredible feet for a franchise that lost 50 games for 4 straight seasons)

:smile

No, not that precious either -it was never lost…

No, it’s my Playstation 2. It’s lost. As in missing. As in out of place. As i don’t know WHERE the hell it is right now.

I sent it to Sony on January 30th along with a C note to pay repair costs. I forgot to add some information they requested and that helped lead the way for it getting lost. Next, I can’t track the package thanks to the USPS not automatically giving package tracking to the box…. Strike two.

Thirdly? The check — the C note — hasn’t cleared with my bank yet, meaning they haven’t had the check return, no one has tried cashing it.

Strike three, yer out!

There is still hope, that being time. I don’t know how long it takes Sony to go through items in it’s tech service centers…

But for the time being, I am upset. Woah is me. Lost, my precious is lost!

And I was having so much FUN too with Grand Theft Auto: Vice City… :sad

The Sum Of All Fears: Ben Affleck takes over the role of Jack Ryan from Harrison Ford with this prequel/sequel to the Jack Ryan movies. Personally I never cared for Ford in the role of Ryan, and The Hunt for Red October happens to be my favorite Clancy film (even with it’s cheesey special effects and it’s terrible mock ups of submarines). At any rate, this film moves a young version of Jack Ryan — CIA analyst — into the 21st century which sorta makes things weird. The Hunt for Red October was supposed to have happened around 1985… The other films in the series (Patriot Games and Clear and Present Danger – two titles, by the way, that George W. Bush has no comprehension of the meanings) I have no clue when they were supposed to have happened but they starred the elder Harrison Ford after Alec Baldwin launched the Jack Ryan series with Hunt

ok, enough of the explaining… what did I think of the film?

Well, not being someone who has read the book, I enjoyed Sum even though the plot was confusing at times. The film is basically a nuclear standoff between the US and Russia as Neo-Nazi terrorists attempt to start war between the two nations. I actually liked Ben Affleck playing Jack Ryan – a mix of every-man instead of super-hero from what Harrison Ford brought to the role. When one watched the original Jack Ryan film, Red October, you saw Jack didn’t want to be there when sent to do something because he was expendable (“Next time, Jack, just write a god damned memo.” ) An all star cast of James Cromwell, Morgan Freeman, Liev Schreiber and Bridget Moynahan — meow! — round out this film. Worth a viewing – even if it drags at points.

Intolerable Cruelty: You know, i didn’t have my hearing device on when I watched this film and I have a strange thing happen every time I watch a George Clooney film — I think of him as speaking in a southern drawl, much like he di din his role in O, Brother, Where art thou? . I guess it’s just his mannerisms — I just can’t believe he would straight talk through this role of Miles Massey when Miles Massey seems totally obsessed with his teeth and white smile.

The film premise is simple — it’s about divorce and Miles Massey is the best divorce lawyer around. Cathrine Zeta-Jones (meow!) is a man eater, looking to get hitched, get divorced and make a ton of money off it. Of course, these two collide and that’s the basis for the entire film. Sure we get lessons on love and such, with a few laughs in between… but I can’t help wondering how gay Miles Massey’s assistant, Wrigley, happens to be?

You have to wonder if someone writing a review, bringing that question up, actually enjoyed the movie? I did, I honestly did… but there was a little comfortableness about the movie. I usually get this with Coen Brother movies but it doesn’t mean there is anything bad with the film. This is worth a viewing and I won’t spoil it with any more talk. :grin

This of course was a crappy Rivals.com site but it worked. It had a dedicated owner, a dedicated set of fans and a couple of kids (including me) who wanted to do what they could to get noticed and get published and what not….

I’d like to try setting something like that up again…. But an MT version of it… (meaning a journal report on the Lightning if it’s possible).

It IS possible, the thing is I am not a great writer — well, it’s not exactly writing as so much reporting and I am a worse reporter than I am a writer… Why? I can’t get to locations to report… Not only hat but when I DO report, I get the information wrong…

I’d love to have a site, though, dedicated to one of the local sports teams and with a team of fans to help report on the team…. The Lightning is the best team to achieve that with, as the Buccaneers want to keep everything in house and the Devil Rays happen to resent their fans with a vengence….

A Tampa Bay Lightning fan site while the Lightning are getting ready for their next playoff push might be fantastic to launch… Though it also might be suicide seeing the NHL is on a collision course with the Apocalypse.

I had wanted to post a long piece of best-and-worst of The Stonegauge this past year… “Best Comment”, “Funniest Entry”, “Entry I most regret” and such — but that’d be no fun because me saying what I think is best and worse on this page doesn’t mean the sentiment is shared by everyone who is reading.

I’d invite you to VOTE for one or tell me what you enjoyed most on here — but then again, that’s a lot of work for you – the reader. I’ve posted a TON this year and not all of it was on my current Moveable Type setup for the journal – meaning you would have to sift through my old journal to find some of my fave (and least favorite) posts.

But if you wanna’ — please go ahead. Meanwhile – I’m going back to being blah and thinking about posts I still want to make on here in the near future.

The song-poem was Java Jungle which I wrote at Palm Harbor’s “Java Jungle” coffee shop years ago when I was still very much a lyricist and poet. The song is just rambling verse that makes sense to me and probably me alone in some of it’s meanings but has a little niftiness to itself… if you can find the rhyme scheme and what could have been the beat or what the music could have turned into with the song…

At any rate, I’m going to post the lyrics now – then I will tell you more about that “ironic and funny” little meaning I didn’t intend that I just found out about…

Sally-man say:
“Who led the way,
“Across the Great Red Sea?”
Way back,
The long way back,
Back home

� 1997 John P. Fontana

So what’s the big deal? Well, I could break down the meaning of each stanza and verse to you but some of it is boring and some of it – as I already alluded to — should make sense only to me (Mickey and Brand across the great land, for instance, is a reference to friends of mine who used to come down to be with family here in Florida, I would see them every summer).

The lyric that I found funny is one of the closing lines… I talk about Easter Day and St. Jude’s Parade and then make a reference to “Lennon Lad”. This is all talking about Julian Lennon. “Jude” being direct reference to “Hey, Jude” which was written by Paul McCartney for Julian during the time John Lennon was divorcing Cynthia Lennon.

The entire line was actually supposed to be reference to St. Crispian’s Day, I believe I had seen Renaissance Man not very long before I had written this poem and I was very fond of Shakespeare at the time after a year of his works being passed on to me through Ms. Ciccone at East Lake High School.

Well, St. Jude got worked in there and the reference to Julian was made — “The kingdom’s yours to have” and silence abounds… That’s saying that Julian could have easily followed John Lennon’s footsteps and gone to the top of Rock and Roll but failed to do so… Of course, Julian is still involved with music and still battles demons involved with his father and his childhood… That being said, there are reason the kingdom was never entirely inherited by him or by Sean Ono Lennon for that matter.

The ironic – funny twist that I keep making reference to is St. Jude. I didn’t know who St., Jude was nor did I ever think to find out… I just threw the name out there for the rhyme and for the reference (Jude, Jules, Julian) and only recently (reading another Rick Reilly article) found out who St. Jude is:

The Patron Saint of Lost causes.

So, Lennon Lad, the kingdom may be yours to have but from what the Java Jungle tells you, it’s a lost cause trying to inherit it…

1. New York Yankees, or New York Rangers?
Rangers. They spend all that money and STILL suck!

2. If you were told you could be rich and famous, but would die in 10 years, would you want it?
I don�t know� Sometimes I feel like I only have 10 years to live anyway� So I�m really not sure. IF I could be rich, make everyone financially secure and better off financially and pass away in ten years � not knowing how long I had to live myself� I�d have to seriously give it consideration.

3. Rosie O�Donnell nude, or Oprah Winfrey nude?
Oprah nude� I don�t think I could take all the skin folds on Rosie

4. Would you rather be destitute and in love, or rich and in a meaningless relationship?
Destitute and in love, any day.

5. Onions are the root of all evil, explain why. :wink
Hmmm, this is a tough one, a good one at that. You see, Onions tend to cause gas in people and that adds methane to the atmosphere � from all the people breaking wind because of Onions in their meals. Methane gas helps global warming and making the earth a less hospitable place to live. If, because of all the onions we eat, we end up making the Earth unable to sustain life, we could put enough blame on Onions for it� And for one vegetable to cause that much death and destruction that would come from global warming, it could be easily concluded that Onions are the root of all evil.

PPH Asked:

1. What’s your favorite color?
Blue or green

2. When do you give up on someone?
You only give up on someone when they have given up on you or stopped showing interest, or pushed you away so much it�s quite visibly their move. If someone turns a blind eye towards you or stops talking to you or just puts you off in general, you get to the point where you might have to just give up on them because the hurt that it causes becomes too much. Then again? When you love somebody, you it�s hard to bring yourself to stop trying. It�s gotta be mutual in the end, though. This goes for friendships too.

3. Paper or Plastic?
Paper. Renewable resource that biodegrades. Call me a eco-freak.

4. Skankiest entertainer?
Madonna with Christina Aguilera a runner up. Britney is coming up the back awfully fast too.

5. Will Howard Dean win the election? )
He sure better. We need him.

Sarah Asked

1. What�s better, rambling or silence? Rambling, but conversations that go on and on and everything else falls away during them isn�t rambling.

2. If you want to speak to someone, what reasons can you think of not to?
Depends on what the deal is with that someone. If there are things left unsaid, or things that were never apologized for, that might be a reason� If a person won�t get back to you, that might be a reason. If you�ve been treated poorly and that�s been unacknowledged, that might be a reason� You can still very much want to talk to someone, but when they build a wall to keep you out of their life, you�ve got to build a wall of your own to keep your sanity.

3. When things go wrong, who’s fault is it most of the time?
It�s not about blame but it�s about making things right again � and that takes an effort from all parties. That�s the problem in this country because people won�t take steps to make things better (government, corporations, people in relationships)� They can assess blame and finger point real well, but they can�t rectify situations � or chose not to because it would compromise their ambitions or their ego. Why get involved in the muck of trying to fix things when you can keep going and come back to the problem after it�s been fixed by itself? Why not try to fix it or get involved in resolving the situation instead of avoiding it?
When someone avoids dealing with a situaiton, that’s when blame gets dumped on them.

4. Life’s ________ so __________. (fill in the blank)
Life�s a song, so sing. Life�s but a dream, so someone�s having a nightmare. Life�s a journey; so don�t treat it like a destination.

5. Who’s closer to the truth, the scientist or the religious man?
I think it�s right in the middle between them where the truth lay � both men are close to the truth, but only to a point. There is only so much physical before the spiritual comes into play and only so much spirituality before the physical explanation comes into play. I think God has a helping hand in Science and Science has a helping hand in God.

Melanie Asked:

1. Out of all the Shakespeare plays, what is your favorite tragedy AND your favorite comedy??
I haven�t read that much Shakespeare in order to give you a good answer but I know my favorite tragedy is Hamlet. Comedy? It�s tough to say this because I don�t have much to gauge but 12th Night.

2. Who in your opinion was the greatest president of the US? And Why?
I thought you didn�t do politics? :p This is a tough one because I don�t know everything about every president who has been there. There�s Clinton who lead us through prosperity, but he had partisan politics and scandals malign his term in office� We had Abe Lincoln who did his damnedest to preserve the Union and had his life tragically taken from him. We had JFK who taught us to aim high and to try, and also had his life tragically taken from him� But I think the greatest president in US history is one that others might think of as the worst president of US history � Franklin Delano Roosevelt. He presided over the toughest time of the 20th century � the great depression and World War 2. He handed the US a new deal and did what he could to bring the nation back from the depression. It was a long hard road, but it eventually happened. He overcame disability to achieve this, and was elected for more terms than any previous US president, showing the People were behind him.

3. Would you rather pop a can of Pringles or pop a cherry?
�Once you pop, you can�t stop.� It just depends on who, and what type of Pringles. To decide between a person and some potato chips, that�s pretty pathetic right? That�s how I work though, I guess.. It’s not the body part but who it’s attached to…

4. If you could be any age, what age would you be and why?
18. That or sometime in my teens. Everything was in front of me and I just had so much optimism how it would play out, I was angry and yet I was interested in finding my niche. Being able to look forward more and not look around and feel like a failure, it would mean the world to me.

5. If you were a hamburger, what toppings would cover you?
Anohter patty so we can have some meat on meat action, spread some ketchup over both of us for added sensuality, and then onions to further prove that they are the root of all evil � not only do they help spread methane gas, they are a key part of burger-on-burger carnal pleasure. Put a bun on and take a bite and you will taste the pure ecstacy brought on by the hot burger patty action.

At first, I’ll give you the literal interpertation – A deer rand through my neighborhood. NOw, for those of you out in the country or who have lived in the country or areas where woods are plentiful – deer sightings are more common. Personally, I haven’t seen a deer since I lived up on Long Island. I see deer signs near Booker Creek preserve here in North Pinellas, but never have I seen anything around Lake St. George that would suggest there would be this kind of wildlife around.

Gopher Tortises, sure… Aligators? Totally — Eric had one in his backyard once, as had many others in the neighborhood. Snakes? Plenty. But deer? Never. I’ve lived here 14 years and never has the possibility of a deer in the area seemed like a possibility.

Too much developement, too many people, not enough space to roam.

But my mom saw one run down our street. How the hell it got to Lake St. George, I don’t know. If it’ll survive until it’s trapped and moved to a safer location – I don’t know at all.

The other part of “Oh Deer” is the “Oh Dear” part. It’s been six weeks since I saw Doc Smith and I was at his office today. We spoke candidly towards each other — I told him I was fading and he told me that i would likely have a long recupperation in front of me after surgery — including a stay at a rehabilitation center.

It’s troubling. Un-nervving – pun not intended but recognized.

So next Wednesday, I am supposed to go under the knife – the day before Thanksgiving. I’m really sorta taken aback but at the same time, I recognize the fact I got to get this shit done — now. While u are eating your turkey or with your family, I’m going to be lying in a hospital bed.

…With no guarantee that I will take to my feet under my own power again.

I feel like I’ve painted a picture of people and that they aren’t the true images of those people – the true images are an uglier color that doesn’t have a rosie meaning.

I can’t get rid of my misperceptions and only have torture of my soul when I see clearly.

Then again, my soul is a constant tortured mass that has been cursed by one power that be or another.

YOU BORN TODAY You have humor, imagination and a sense of the human story. Personally, you’re capable. But privately, you have a romantic soul. You will give your all for love. Everyone knows you are a free spirit; yet you value your origins. Major changes lie ahead. Fear not: They are favorable.

And from my own local rag

You Born Today: You are a committed idealist, which means you have your moments of rebellion. You want to make changes for the better in the world. You are strong-minded and know how to organize the efforts of those around you You will always do what you believe is right. Work hard this year for rewards in 2005. Birth date of Toni Braxton, singer

I also found out Vladimir Putin’s birthday is today… I know I share it with John Melloncamp and a few other famous people…

*Sigh* Back to the grind….

An hour later, my neighbor since I moved into my current residence, Mila, passed away at 83… She’s been through some real hardships the last 14 years and plenty more before we ever moved in. It will be strange living in a world without her

I’ve just found out my Aunt will be on MSNBC on December 4th… Certainly something I would like others to see but as far as I know, things will fall apart worse before then…

This goes without saying a lot about me – as I would think that most of my journal entries have lately — they’ve made brief mentions about things going on on the Internet or perchance other opinions I have but not really talked about me. It’s assumed that I am doing fine if anyone at all is wondering how I am doing. Certainly my writing is a little more to-the-point yet short and meaningless if you really think about it. There have been a few cases where my posts have had a meaning and those who needed to know the meaning got it, unfortunately it just continued to put things in a bad light because I let emotions get to me by posting that in the first place…

At any rate, what is new with me? Besides writing, there isn’t much. I saw Doc Smith this morning and had a wheel chair prescribed to me. I’ve also had my mother bullshit me with regards to moving downstairs — into the windowless living room of the house and having an “apartment” int eh home. Why are we talking this? Because I need another operation and scheduling it is only being put off by my worries of life without legs/being wheelchair bound until further notice.

I started talking about moving out — It’d be simpler than the bullshit idea of converting a dark room into a bedroom apartment.

Personally I am right back where I was in… say, April and May 2002 when it comes to dealing with people I meet on line — they all turn out to be shallow. You might make someone laugh but they will ditch you if they see a picture they don’t like.

*sigh* Memories from the corner of my mind – when that stuff didn’t matter with a few people I met on here..

Emma Christine’s birthday present looks more and more like a Buccaneer win… Reminding me of something that happened 24 years ago tomorrow with the Giants beating the 5-0 Bucs (my father is a Giants fan). Wonder what tomorrow has in store for me if anything? Besides a Total Recall….