Keith Asked

1. New York Yankees, or New York Rangers?
Rangers. They spend all that money and STILL suck!

2. If you were told you could be rich and famous, but would die in 10 years, would you want it?
I don’t know… Sometimes I feel like I only have 10 years to live anyway… So I’m really not sure. IF I could be rich, make everyone financially secure and better off financially and pass away in ten years – not knowing how long I had to live myself… I’d have to seriously give it consideration.

3. Rosie O’Donnell nude, or Oprah Winfrey nude?
Oprah nude… I don’t think I could take all the skin folds on Rosie

4. Would you rather be destitute and in love, or rich and in a meaningless relationship?
Destitute and in love, any day.

5. Onions are the root of all evil, explain why. :wink
Hmmm, this is a tough one, a good one at that. You see, Onions tend to cause gas in people and that adds methane to the atmosphere – from all the people breaking wind because of Onions in their meals. Methane gas helps global warming and making the earth a less hospitable place to live. If, because of all the onions we eat, we end up making the Earth unable to sustain life, we could put enough blame on Onions for it… And for one vegetable to cause that much death and destruction that would come from global warming, it could be easily concluded that Onions are the root of all evil.

PPH Asked:

1. What’s your favorite color?
Blue or green

2. When do you give up on someone?
You only give up on someone when they have given up on you or stopped showing interest, or pushed you away so much it’s quite visibly their move. If someone turns a blind eye towards you or stops talking to you or just puts you off in general, you get to the point where you might have to just give up on them because the hurt that it causes becomes too much. Then again? When you love somebody, you it’s hard to bring yourself to stop trying. It’s gotta be mutual in the end, though. This goes for friendships too.

3. Paper or Plastic?
Paper. Renewable resource that biodegrades. Call me a eco-freak.

4. Skankiest entertainer?
Madonna with Christina Aguilera a runner up. Britney is coming up the back awfully fast too.

5. Will Howard Dean win the election? )
He sure better. We need him.

Sarah Asked

1. What’s better, rambling or silence? Rambling, but conversations that go on and on and everything else falls away during them isn’t rambling.

2. If you want to speak to someone, what reasons can you think of not to?
Depends on what the deal is with that someone. If there are things left unsaid, or things that were never apologized for, that might be a reason… If a person won’t get back to you, that might be a reason. If you’ve been treated poorly and that’s been unacknowledged, that might be a reason… You can still very much want to talk to someone, but when they build a wall to keep you out of their life, you’ve got to build a wall of your own to keep your sanity.

3. When things go wrong, who’s fault is it most of the time?
It’s not about blame but it’s about making things right again – and that takes an effort from all parties. That’s the problem in this country because people won’t take steps to make things better (government, corporations, people in relationships)… They can assess blame and finger point real well, but they can’t rectify situations – or chose not to because it would compromise their ambitions or their ego. Why get involved in the muck of trying to fix things when you can keep going and come back to the problem after it’s been fixed by itself? Why not try to fix it or get involved in resolving the situation instead of avoiding it?
When someone avoids dealing with a situaiton, that’s when blame gets dumped on them.

4. Life’s ________ so __________. (fill in the blank)
Life’s a song, so sing. Life’s but a dream, so someone’s having a nightmare. Life’s a journey; so don’t treat it like a destination.

5. Who’s closer to the truth, the scientist or the religious man?
I think it’s right in the middle between them where the truth lay – both men are close to the truth, but only to a point. There is only so much physical before the spiritual comes into play and only so much spirituality before the physical explanation comes into play. I think God has a helping hand in Science and Science has a helping hand in God.

Melanie Asked:

1. Out of all the Shakespeare plays, what is your favorite tragedy AND your favorite comedy??
I haven’t read that much Shakespeare in order to give you a good answer but I know my favorite tragedy is Hamlet. Comedy? It’s tough to say this because I don’t have much to gauge but 12th Night.

2. Who in your opinion was the greatest president of the US? And Why?
I thought you didn’t do politics? :p This is a tough one because I don’t know everything about every president who has been there. There’s Clinton who lead us through prosperity, but he had partisan politics and scandals malign his term in office… We had Abe Lincoln who did his damnedest to preserve the Union and had his life tragically taken from him. We had JFK who taught us to aim high and to try, and also had his life tragically taken from him… But I think the greatest president in US history is one that others might think of as the worst president of US history – Franklin Delano Roosevelt. He presided over the toughest time of the 20th century – the great depression and World War 2. He handed the US a new deal and did what he could to bring the nation back from the depression. It was a long hard road, but it eventually happened. He overcame disability to achieve this, and was elected for more terms than any previous US president, showing the People were behind him.

3. Would you rather pop a can of Pringles or pop a cherry?
“Once you pop, you can’t stop.” It just depends on who, and what type of Pringles. To decide between a person and some potato chips, that’s pretty pathetic right? That’s how I work though, I guess.. It’s not the body part but who it’s attached to…

4. If you could be any age, what age would you be and why?
18. That or sometime in my teens. Everything was in front of me and I just had so much optimism how it would play out, I was angry and yet I was interested in finding my niche. Being able to look forward more and not look around and feel like a failure, it would mean the world to me.

5. If you were a hamburger, what toppings would cover you?
Anohter patty so we can have some meat on meat action, spread some ketchup over both of us for added sensuality, and then onions to further prove that they are the root of all evil – not only do they help spread methane gas, they are a key part of burger-on-burger carnal pleasure. Put a bun on and take a bite and you will taste the pure ecstacy brought on by the hot burger patty action.

Oh Deer has a couple of meanings to it as the title to this entry…

At first, I’ll give you the literal interpertation – A deer rand through my neighborhood. NOw, for those of you out in the country or who have lived in the country or areas where woods are plentiful – deer sightings are more common. Personally, I haven’t seen a deer since I lived up on Long Island. I see deer signs near Booker Creek preserve here in North Pinellas, but never have I seen anything around Lake St. George that would suggest there would be this kind of wildlife around.

Gopher Tortises, sure… Aligators? Totally — Eric had one in his backyard once, as had many others in the neighborhood. Snakes? Plenty. But deer? Never. I’ve lived here 14 years and never has the possibility of a deer in the area seemed like a possibility.

Too much developement, too many people, not enough space to roam.

But my mom saw one run down our street. How the hell it got to Lake St. George, I don’t know. If it’ll survive until it’s trapped and moved to a safer location – I don’t know at all.

The other part of “Oh Deer” is the “Oh Dear” part. It’s been six weeks since I saw Doc Smith and I was at his office today. We spoke candidly towards each other — I told him I was fading and he told me that i would likely have a long recupperation in front of me after surgery — including a stay at a rehabilitation center.

It’s troubling. Un-nervving – pun not intended but recognized.

So next Wednesday, I am supposed to go under the knife – the day before Thanksgiving. I’m really sorta taken aback but at the same time, I recognize the fact I got to get this shit done — now. While u are eating your turkey or with your family, I’m going to be lying in a hospital bed.

…With no guarantee that I will take to my feet under my own power again.

I feel like right now every perception I have is false. I feel like every desire I have had is just a fantasy and that I am not allowed to truly experience them.

I feel like I’ve painted a picture of people and that they aren’t the true images of those people – the true images are an uglier color that doesn’t have a rosie meaning.

I can’t get rid of my misperceptions and only have torture of my soul when I see clearly.

Then again, my soul is a constant tortured mass that has been cursed by one power that be or another.

There’s just one thing I want today even though I know I won’t get it. It’s not big in physical form and it’s not small when it comes to meaning… At least not to me, it at least puts me at peace.

YOU BORN TODAY You have humor, imagination and a sense of the human story. Personally, you’re capable. But privately, you have a romantic soul. You will give your all for love. Everyone knows you are a free spirit; yet you value your origins. Major changes lie ahead. Fear not: They are favorable.

And from my own local rag

You Born Today: You are a committed idealist, which means you have your moments of rebellion. You want to make changes for the better in the world. You are strong-minded and know how to organize the efforts of those around you You will always do what you believe is right. Work hard this year for rewards in 2005. Birth date of Toni Braxton, singer

I also found out Vladimir Putin’s birthday is today… I know I share it with John Melloncamp and a few other famous people…

*Sigh* Back to the grind….

Bill Erickson’s niece, Emma Christine (don’t know her last name) was born around 1 PM EDT this afternoon. I don’t know all the stats but I will post them when I have them.

An hour later, my neighbor since I moved into my current residence, Mila, passed away at 83… She’s been through some real hardships the last 14 years and plenty more before we ever moved in. It will be strange living in a world without her

I’ve just found out my Aunt will be on MSNBC on December 4th… Certainly something I would like others to see but as far as I know, things will fall apart worse before then…

This goes without saying a lot about me – as I would think that most of my journal entries have lately — they’ve made brief mentions about things going on on the Internet or perchance other opinions I have but not really talked about me. It’s assumed that I am doing fine if anyone at all is wondering how I am doing. Certainly my writing is a little more to-the-point yet short and meaningless if you really think about it. There have been a few cases where my posts have had a meaning and those who needed to know the meaning got it, unfortunately it just continued to put things in a bad light because I let emotions get to me by posting that in the first place…

At any rate, what is new with me? Besides writing, there isn’t much. I saw Doc Smith this morning and had a wheel chair prescribed to me. I’ve also had my mother bullshit me with regards to moving downstairs — into the windowless living room of the house and having an “apartment” int eh home. Why are we talking this? Because I need another operation and scheduling it is only being put off by my worries of life without legs/being wheelchair bound until further notice.

I started talking about moving out — It’d be simpler than the bullshit idea of converting a dark room into a bedroom apartment.

Personally I am right back where I was in… say, April and May 2002 when it comes to dealing with people I meet on line — they all turn out to be shallow. You might make someone laugh but they will ditch you if they see a picture they don’t like.

*sigh* Memories from the corner of my mind – when that stuff didn’t matter with a few people I met on here..

Emma Christine’s birthday present looks more and more like a Buccaneer win… Reminding me of something that happened 24 years ago tomorrow with the Giants beating the 5-0 Bucs (my father is a Giants fan). Wonder what tomorrow has in store for me if anything? Besides a Total Recall….

I got up early again today – I’ve been waking up early most of the weak and staying in bed until Ir eally have to get my ass in gear. Half of the time I lie there thinking of what i have to do for the day and that gets me going at one point or another – but well after my cobwebs are gone from my head.

On this particular day, I had to get up before 9… I had been up well past two thinking about things, so I thought this would be a bit more difficult than it ended up…

Now you must be wondering why I HAD to get up at 9…

See, about 6 years ago I smashed a few rocks I picked up from Cape Cod two years earlier, through my bedroom window in a fit of rage (teenage angst coupled with losing ones hearing as well as feeling fenced in). I’ve been meaning to have the glass replaced for about…. 6 years, and had my uncle replace my window all together (it was cheaper) this morning.

The new window is nice — and minus a fly screen outside, however. Everything I look at is clear and not broken up in sections (and I don’t mean shattered glass sections) like my old window.

Anyway, after that I faded pretty fast and couldn’t quite find something to get productive with. I’ve been feeling like I am waiting for something – to hear from someone, to have something happen, for the next life perhaps (rest in peace, Gloria Foster )… Just SOMETHING.

I’ve got “Peter’s Problem” (can’t even think of a working title) that I have aluded to sitting over me. I’ve got a folder full of stories I never foudn a plot for that I could get a plot for, write, finish and then send in to a magazine (but I haven’t). I need some motivation but then again I also just NEED… I don’t know how else to put it. Need to hear some things, need to see some things, need to have some things… i don’t know…

Or are these wants? Whatever it is, I am waiting and delaying because of it…

This entry has a dual purpose because there’s an anecdote from the hospital that I’ve failed to report in here and there was something that happened today (that I already bitched to someone about) that just really made me feel like less than I do already.

Lets go back to the Hospital and my immediate recovery in there. I told this story to someone already but I just like it because it’s so strange and at the same time so demeaning.

I got out of post-op and started on my way back to normalcy feeling pretty good despite a little pain from the operation. I was generally in good spirits. Was waiting to hear from a few people on my pager and wanted to take my time before I found out who was going to contact me and stuff. The hospital chaplain came into my room and gave me a blessing, even though I am a very very rotten Catholic. Actually made me feel good, if still awkward with religion.

It may have been a day later when I had two older people — middle age — come into my room and start talking to me. I told them flat out that I couldn’t understand and they were very understanding about it and did what they could to accommodate me. They were Catholic reps and wanted to give me communion and stuff like that. I explained to them my discomfort with religion and instead of trying to lecture me, I got a very understanding response from both of them and told that God loves me anyway. I was offered some literature (religious pamphlets, I assume — if not the bible) and accepted, though I never got those papers from these two. It was another pleasant experience that left me a little more at ease with religion and all that, if still awkward.

Unfortunately that didn’t remain the case. Someone had to screw things up and it happened the day of my discharge where I was made to feel like an it — not a person, just a thing. Some heathen, a poor and tortured soul with no heart or mind.

Some woman came into the room — big teeth, hair down to her chin, and started speaking to me. My mom was in the room at the time and we both tried to explain that I couldn’t hear well so I didn’t know what the woman was saying. Instead of her making any attempt to communicate with me — she just nodded and smiled and started speaking… Saying over and over again (as I found out later) that God Loves me. She didn’t look at me as she spoke these words, and she wasn’t looking to the heavens when she was either. She looked at my hat. She acted like I wasn’t there. She basically made me feel like nothing in her blessings. She single handedly – through her good intentions — endorsed the caricature of religion that I have over the years grown to have.

A week of work, shattered for the Lord. Thank you, ma’am. My mom gasped and laughed at the ridiculous after it happened. All I could do was join her — it was just too outrageous.

What does this accomplish if someone goes out and tries to do something for someone but makes them humiliated in the process? What does it accomplish for either side? You think it leaves you in good standing or makes you feel good in your heart to know you did something while not knowing how terrible you made the other party involved feel? That’s something that has bothered me before when I have gotten less than stellar reactions to gifts or niceties from me – I didn’t want to do something that made someone feel bad (though I may very well have accomplished it without trying to).

Why am I ranting about this?

Well, I had another lesson in humility to night — feeling humiliated — as my darling older brother continued to make me feel less than I already do during my recuperation. I won’t go into details because I’m just not in the mood but I don’t need a mocking head nod from the asshole, nor do I need criticism for making attempts at things to achieve some normalcy in my life, or scornful remarks for trying to go down the stairs and having an accident in the attempt (leg “giving out” under me before I got off the top step). I want to get better, I’d like to get better with help, but god damnit — I don’t need this shit in order to do that. I know this is tough for my family and I have apologized a few times to my parents because of it… Mike, on the other hand, is going past the “Older brother” stage and making me feel like I’m just some inept, incompetent little shit that hinders everything in the household and makes life a living hell for those who live here.

I don’t know folks — I’ll fight on but it doesn’t get any easier when people make you feel less than you are. I already have enough shit that I am up against, I could use support and understanding. I could use an attempt by others to make a connection so I don’t feel like just another member of one’s quota. I could use some understanding and less abrasiveness and arrogance and scornfulness in order to get through this. It’s tough for everybody, but remember it’s toughest for me first (as selfish as that sounds) — I don’t just have to live with these difficulties, I have to live with the knowledge I am passing on all this pain to my loved ones and firends…. It’s not a burden I would want anyone to carry.

You know what? It’s been a year (physically and on the calender) since I Had a jarring event in my life — very jarring in fact. Something that shook me and also sort of encouraged me becuase I played with the big boys and I stood my ground (at least for a while) until retreating.

The whole Beatle Lyrics and Album Covers fiasco.

Like the article says, I actually was sorta giddy when I got the legal threat – it was like the ultimate adoration that a fan could get… I mean, imitation and plagerism are forms of flattery… I took their complaints as flattering because www.beatlelyrics.com was the biggest and best of the fan sites that were operated on the net at the time.

Was. Past tense.

So as it’s late and I should really get to bed, I pay homage to Beatlelyrics.com and to all the fans that supported me through that fiasco.

In My Life (Lennon/McCartney)

There are places I’ll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more

*Sigh* I miss the fans. I miss the fun of maintaining that site, but alas – it’s the past. Always will be a part of me though.

So will those who helped me get through this time when things were tense.

Well it’s been a month since I left a entry into my journal in any way shape or form. I’ve avoided this for one reason or another and in fact my journal came back to haunt me again a few weeks ago so I don’t know for sure if I should continue saying anything in these things. Is it because I want to be secretive? No, it’s more along the lines I don’t want to confuse anyone or upset anyone like I can do in here.

That leads me to my writing today. Today is Valentines Day, a day of heart, a day of joy for those who have found love and a day of misery for those without it, or a day or longing past romance from those you may very well be in love with but haven’t experienced the romantic side from your other in a while.

I’ve admittedly been in love since August with someone I haven’t ever met in person… Someone that has meant a lot to me because she’s not only been there to listen to me, but because we’ve just clicked in a lot of ways and I feel like she makes me better when I am with her. A better human being, a better comedian, a more thoughtful person, etc…

I don’t know what the future will bring us – if things will last any longer than a week or things are long term in the grandest meanings of the word – and of course I’ve had my doubts before (and still do of course, who doesn’t at times) but I realize the reason I am doubting a lot of the time is because of my own past or my own insecurities and paranoia… Life just tends to throw you off course whenever you see something you want and you have to keep going towards it while you can until what you desire moves either clearly out of the picture or is in your grasp.

1-4-3, S.M.R :kiss :rose

OK, now that i have gotten matters of the heart out of the way, it’s time to tell everyone just what I have been up to the past month that has made me not want to come on here and rant and rave… Well, I got fired from Target for starters. Not fired from screwing up but pink slipped. Cut backs and what not. I’m not exactly medically sound right now but I know I can get through this like I get through everything else that has ever made me intimidated before in my life — because I’m just too damned good to let it go to my head (you don’t know how bad a pun that was just now).

I’ve been all over the web trying to find something to pass the time – be it talking on instant message programs to talking on Message boards. I single handedly turned around the Segway-open mailing list as I may or may not have already reported. Segway’s, by the way, start shipping on March 1st. You’ll be seeing more of those buzzing around you soon enough.

George Dubya “Warmonger” Bush is dead set on a war in Iraq…. This goes as no surprise to me because they’ve been planning this thing since Bush took office in 2001…. Yet the entire world is against the US efforts to start a war and that is causing a bit of a problem.

Of course there is also the fact that Osama Bin Laden has issued a couple of new Communication tapes — which is always foreshadowing to an attack. The US is on a heightened terror alert right now and rightly so.

Oh yeah, and before I close this Journal entry off, I think that I have avoided a subject matter that in itself is huge that should have gotten it’s own private entry in here over the past month (but I’ve been too lazy to get to it) —

TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS! SUPER BOWL CHAMPIONS, BABY!!!!!!!!! DEFENSE WINS IT ALL!!!!!!!