But here we are, Friday, and Fay still hasn’t left the state of Florida. Oh, she’s finally over the ocean again but technically? She’s still here… I mean, those are Florida waters.

And I must say: as a 20 year resident of Florida, following the likes of storms both tropical, non-tropical, frontal, and just standard summer storms… I have never seen a storm take such an abrupt, hard turn before:

Fay -- on Radar -- from Monday (August 18) thru Firday (August 22)

I’m getting away from the fact that I said I haven’t talked about my health much at all on here lately. For the uninitiated, I suffer from a rare genetic disease commonly referred to as NF2. It’s a nasty little gem of a disease that doesn’t get much attention (besides an odd mention on House M.D. every-so-often). It causes benign tumors to grow mostly on nerves in the body. One of said tumors were the reason I began to lose my hearing as a teen and was rendered deaf 10 years ago last December.

It also gives me the supernatural abilities like super-intelligence, telekenisis and empathy along with…

Wait a minute, that was a John Travolta movie. Never mind.

Seriously… The last time I really brought up (bitched, moaned, vented, etc) my health was the summer and fall of 2003 when I hit a couple of hard patches and was frustrated, scared and just flat out torn up (to put it lightly). Blogging things publicly helped me get my frustrations and worries out in the open… or at least out of my head for the moment until the next panic hit.

It’s 4 years later and I’ve got problems again. Problems in my head this time that get the doctors attention. Now, from the smart-ass perspective, you’d quickly quip “Yeah, anyone who (inserts a thought, political idea, interest, etc) would be classified as having problems in the head!” but it’s a little more serious than that. About 5 centimeters worth of serious. Between-my-ears, behind-my-eyes serious.

I’ve been operated on twice up there before. Both times I had the operations in question out west with one of the top doctors in the world. This time around, I’m sticking in Tampa Bay and trusting a doctor who’s been heralded to me as one of the best in the world. He’s got books and awards and all that jazz. He’ll have some of my old friends along with him to make sure my ABI doesn’t get fudged up and what not.

Still, there are risks and even if they aren’t substantial — what they are is a worst case scenarios. So I worry about that, even though it’s almost like thinking about worst-case stuff when you go out and do day to day things.
“The worst case scenario while driving to the Supermarket to pick up milk is that an out of control mack truck with a drunk at the wheel, plows into my car and explodes…. Oh, and I don’t die instantly on impact!”

Rosy, cheery stuff like that.

So part of my mind (ha — the cause of all my problems) keeps wanting me to be responsible and at least report this upcoming operation, make arrangements for the “just in case”, “worst case scenario” type things. Every other part of me wants the status quo to remain — though that status quo is a deteriorating personal conditions where the changes in my health are more or less subtle until I get to a tipping point and things really get messed up and my life hangs in the balance.

Rosy, cheery stuff like that.

I don’t want to face the idea of things — out of my control — go bad and yet with responsibilities to friends and loved ones, how can I not?

John Edwards leads the charge, having been in campaign mode since the end of the John Kerry campaign… He’s earned over a million dollars through the Act Blue service. Bill Richardson – also a long time suspected candidate — is next on the list with 288 thousand dollars to his name.

Wes Clark, Howard Dean, Al Gore — all undeclared or just flat out not running — have a few thousand to their name… And while Mike Gravel and Chris Dodd are the ones who are oh-fer ActBlue, it’s Hillary Clinton’s numbers that should send a message to people…

Hillary, who keeps getting named the front runner because of her recognizability (or her last name) has earned $81. Eighty One dollars.

There are pundits on the right who think Democrats are clamoring for HRC to be the nominee, and there are media pundits who think Hillary is a shoe in… Yet if the Internet community — the activists who are vocal online — aren’t showing their support financially for Hillary, then why are they going to show their support with their votes for her next year during the primaries?

Just saying. It’s known Hillary is not big with the online community, but she still is the big name in the field unless Al Gore were to enter the fray (which I don’t think will happen, sadly).

At any rate, I told people about this story in an earlier entry… There is no title to it as it stands right now and it’s just a few hundred words… Let me know what you think if you think anything about it… Just click on more to view it.

Dontrell and Monica stood on the tiptoes of their flip-flop clad feet and peered into the white minivan. They had been on their way to the community pool to help beat the mid-summer heat when they were compelled to look in ominous white vehicle that was owned by a white lady who lived nearby. The car was parked just across the street from their own apartment and along the path to the pool. It was impossible for them not to look, knowing the white woman had big dogs that she put in there. They had seen her and the animals before and both intimidated them. There were a couple of large cages in the back of the minivan, where the woman sometimes put the dogs before she drove off to where ever white women go to.

“Ya’ll better watch out,” their mom’s boyfriend, Barry, spoke from behind them. “She gonna’ end up comin’ out and catchin’ you!” He was standing close to their apartment building and hauling a couple of trash bags in his arms. The kids liked Barry with his music and modified car that had a really loud speakers and could bounce too! He wore gold chains and looked like a rapper from TV.

“Ya’ll see those cages in there?” Barry asked, putting down his trash bags for a moment and approaching the kids. The cages had specifically caught their attention because of how big they were. “Ya’ll look at them real good ‘cause when she catches you she’s gonna’ put your asses in those cages and let the dogs eat you!”

The kids looked at Barry in disbelief. Would the woman really do that to them? Feed them to those monster hounds? Barry slowly nodded as if to stress the point before picking up the trash bags again and continuing on his trek to the trash bin. He let out a laugh on the way but the children didn’t hear him – they were too preoccupied on the frightening reality that stood before them.

Ever since Dontrell and Monica watched their friend Alisha be mauled by her family pit bull a few months earlier, the kids had been absolutely terrified of dogs. It could be their next-door neighbor, Mrs. Jackson, and her little terrier. It could also be any one of the neighborhoods other pit bulls, and there were many of them. Whatever size it was, whatever breed it was, the kids were certain the animal was ready to snap at them.

And of course some white lady’s dogs have got to be trained to go after the black folk, the kids thought. She was one of the only non-black people that lived in the apartment complex, and they had no idea why she didn’t live with the rest of her people and leave their neighborhood alone.

She seemed scary to them just because she was so alien – white people weren’t common in their community. Her hair was a deep red and she barely smiled. She wore glasses and was always bringing around other strange white folks: a scrawny man who walked around with the help of a stick, and there was another woman who stayed with her for a while who had a scab on one of her eyes. Maybe they were her friends but they were all so freaky!

The dogs that the lady had – they looked like the kind they had seen when Barry took them and their mom to the racetrack once in a while. The big, sleek, thin dogs would chase a mechanical rabbit around a track and they were hella’ quick too! That was another reason why the kids were so taken aback of the white woman’s dogs – they knew that they were too fast not to catch them!

It was terribly hot, but Dontrell and Monica had forgotten the pool for the moment, as they stood affixed to their fears.

In their silence, they imagined being locked in the cages and having those big dogs closing in on them. They would be slobbering and panting, barking and growling and showing their viciousness before closing in on the kill. It would be exactly like what happened to Alisha – having her skin ripped off and being made dead… There would be no escape. They’d scream and maybe Barry would try to save them from that mad white bitch’s dogs? Or maybe he’d let them die so he could have their mother to hi’self? He always wanted private time with her anyway and was always throwing them out of the apartment.

A voice from behind them broke the anxious silence, “Could you kindly not get handprints on my windows?”

It was the white lady – standing not 3 yards from them. Dontrell and Monica looked at each other and panicked. They heard not a word of what the woman said but had all of their fantasies come to life! Barry said she’d feed them to the dogs! Barry said she’d lock them in the cages before she did it! She was here now and at any moment now her dogs would be chasing after them down in frenzy!

They screamed and took off for the pool without looking back. If they had, they would have noticed the white lady watching them with an expression of bewilderment. The threat was only in their minds, the perception of imminent doom was just an innocent childhood misconception; one whose impression will not likely fade with away

My older brother walks in on me to see why I am laughing so hard, and once i explained to him his face lit up a bit and he started relating to me how he loves the show… and so do his friends who call him House when they see him….

Mike’s always been weird in one way or another and I started thinking about the comparison between him and Greg House. House is distant, he’s bitingly sarcastic, shrewd, genius, cold… Mike is… Well, Mike is all of those things, except he’ll smile more often than House, he’ll joke more often than House (for the good of humor, not out of sarcastic desire).

Mike IS Greg House.

I’ve known women who’ve wanted to grab the mystery for themselves with Mike. You can’t quite imagine women wanting House but the mystery about him is there…. Helping to drive Dr. Cameron unsuccessfully towards him.

It’s odd, first my brother happens to look like David Duchovney… Now he happens to be like Greg House. What’s next? He starts making as much money as (insert movie star here)?

That being said, I’m still playing with the idea of what could improve things and improve member additions to the site.

The site merger is all but nixed — too much uncertainty and too much negative outlook. Too little control. What I am toying with to bide the time, however,is to have vBulletin put onto the site instead of phpBB. VBulletin gives a better look to the forums and mroe functionality. PHPBB is open source, hackable… Extra spamable.

I need to ask around if I should make the switch… Its just a thought right now – and it will set me back 90 bucks at least.

….well, almost everything… until now.

Things might just be a scare but if not, it’s a serious issue has come up that coudl force a loss…. And no offense, but you were bound for it… Just because you reap what you sow.

And Keith is heading down here tonight and will be arriving early tomorrow morning in Tampa to catch the game and stay a couple of day sin Tampa Bay.

It”s odd enough for me to deal with the fact the Lightning are playing for the Stanley Cup, it’s been a wild last couple of days and last couple of weeks as I have had several things change around me — which I never blogged in here .

But now I have to play International Host which I have never done before. Hell, i have never traveled by myself and can’t fathom how Keith is doing it – flying from Calgary to Tampa… I feel some insecurities because I’m still a gimp for the most part and he wants to take in some events here in Tampa and o course i want to show him around too… And doing that by car isn’t exactly how I planned it.

ON one hand, I wan tot meet him and show him the beauty of Florida before the Bolts kick the shit out of the Flames (and after :tongue) :biggrin, and on the other hand – now I know the feeling that others might feel when they are told someone is going to be visiting their neck of the woods to almost specifically meet.

But then again – it’s immaturity to look for a escape route – which I’ve seen in the past. Which I’ve participated in, in the past.

This is the end, beautiful friend
This is the end, my only friend
The end -
Of our elaborate plans
The end -
Of everything that stands
The end -
No safety nor surprise
The end –
I’ll never look into your eyes again

This is the End

– Taken from The End by James Douglas Morrison
� 1967 The Doors Music Company

Still appropriate a year later. The fact I’m not playing the crutch again signifies the relevance.

But then the other shoe fell as I got a message from my friend Michelle. Michelle has been a friend for a year now and it came as news to me, and as quite a shock when I found out that she will be moving to Brooksville in July as her family just bought land up there. I’m friend with her dad too and the fact we talk online mostly means I won’t have that relationship bothered much but to lose Michelle hurts.

Of course, this was made up for to me in the smallest of ways as the Lightning beat the Islanders and moved on to the 2nd round of the NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs… But that really doesn’t help me feel better that a good friend is going away.

I inserted lines of my own too in certain situations… Just for fun. It didn’t occur to me just who this reminded me of until tonight.

I get online and start reading the hilarious 64 Reasons to Hate Attack of the Clones and come across this gem at #25:

Bustin’ on Artoo
There’s this one scene where Padme and Anakin are walking on Naboo and she says she’s a little nervous and he confesses to also being nervous since this is his first assignment by himself. “Don’t worry,” Padme says. “We have Artoo with us.” Then they both laugh about how ridiculous a concept it is that Artoo could be at all useful. Artoo beeps and if Threepio were there to translate it would probably be something along the lines of “Fuck you both.”

The moment I read that, remembering the scene from the movie, I agreed with the above sentiment that Artoo would have been mouthing off here… Not only that, but R2-D2 has got to be what inspired Kenny McCormick of South Park.

Now, not to piss off South Park fans by suggesting this and knowing the full truth to who inspired Kenny, I just see the odd parallels between the two characters.

1) Unintelligible — Be it Artoo’s beeps or Kenny’s muffled statements, both characters almost speak a foreign dialect
2) Ability to piss people off — Be it Cartman or 3P0, Kenny and Artoo’s mouths
tend to have snide responses for others statements
3) Getting in trouble — Artoo gets hit in Star Wars and is severely damaged, Artoo falls in a Swamp and gets eaten in Empire Strike Back, Artoo falls into the Sand of the Dune Sea as well as getting shot during the Battle of Endor during Return of the Jedi… Kenny gets killed during every single fucking episode of South Park.

It’s uncanny, I tell you…

There are probably more similarities that I can’t think of right now, but I swear to you that Kenny and Artoo have to be related somehow with these odd coincidences… If not, Artoo had to inspire Kenny in a roundabout, fucked up kind of way…

I got to come across Brian Wilson’s anxiety and his musical genius that I had been aware of from quotes but hadn’t thought of much besides what I had heard and liked as a child — which is odd because some of the music is much more complex an innovative than the Beatles stuff and I had never given it a second thought (example: The introduction to California Girls).

I’ve had a song in my head since I watched the movie and I would love to be able to provide streaming audio of the music to share with everyone because of how beautiful the song can be — but alas, until I figure out how to do that, i can only share with you the lyrics. It’s a stirring and haunting melody with harmonies in multiple layers…. It was part of the Pet Sound album (which George Martin claimed, “If it wasn’t for Pet Sounds, there would be no Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band)…

Now, ladies and gentlemen, this is the song I haven’t been able to get out of my head — or stop pulling at my heart (as was the case with Dennis Wilson in Summer Dreams

God Only Knows

I may not always love you
But long as there are stars above you
You never need to doubt it
I’ll make you so sure about it

God only knows what I’d be without you

If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me

God only knows what I’d be without you

God only knows what I’d be without you

If you should ever leave me
Well life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me

God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I’d be without you