John F – former Administrative Community Manager – FanHome.com

John F – former Administrator - The MLB Forum

John F – Administrator – Baseball Boards

John F – Administrator – The MLB Forum?

TMLBForum has had a whirlwind couple of weeks – a negative whirlwind at that. The owner threw a hissy fit and took all of his sites off line. His posters are on another site, he’s caused a great deal of damage…

And oen of my firends who post there and talks to the guy suggested that i take over the ship when the site is live again.

I have reservations becasue I want Baseball Boards to be a success. I have a few of my own people who I am loyal to who I want to agree with me on anythign that goes down.

I also think taking over that site with such a negative vibe will mean more work. Those who don’t know me will not trust me. Those who know the site and what happened will not trust the site to remain there for them. You can NOT be professional and take something so personal that you close the buisness down in a hissy fit, and then expect people to come back. People will come back after technical problems, people will come back after downtime, but people don’t want to come back whent he site no longer seems to give a damn about the fact they are valuable members.

She says I do it willingly and to an extent, I do.

Not being in a relationship, still trying to find someone who appeals to me and attracts me (futile, I know) , I’m putting myself through the wringer listening to other girls I am friends with talking about their boyfriends or talking to me about their girlfriends or talking to me about some other type of personal problem… And I give advice and what not.

Trying to make someone else happy while I’m not. Oh well.

But the thing is, in some instances, I feel so good at what I’m doing. Telling a friend not to hurt herself because she’s hurting her at-a-distance boyfriend by doing so. Telling another girl not to dwell on a jerk from Match.com who kissed her and then put her on ignore on AOL IM. Then there’s Melanie talking about things with hubby and Terra talking about things with Matt and with baby and….

And John puts himself into it all because John doesn’t have someone to put himself into emotionally.

Does it fill a void? No, not really… I can’t say it’s good or bad for me either… Time will tell, I’m thinking this is just a phase so I’ll be back to goofy-John instead of wanna-be-Yoda John who tries to come off all knowing and wise.

“Do or do not, there is no try….”

Random Christmas Eve rants —

I hate having to play the dick but that is what happened a littler earlier today – maybe I didn’t exactly play it but listening to someone start falling all over themselves for the umpteenth time and putting themselves into a shit situation — a dick is all I could be.

This very person had remarked about going with your head and not with yoru heart and how things will be nifty right at the start… This person also happened to tell me, a few minutes later, that she was “in love” with an abusive, controlling, insecure prick who wanted to keep her as a possesion and not as a person.

Over a couple of weeks chatting with this girl, I’d feed her logic and a few days later she comes back with “You were right.” And yet her own self-hate, self-loathing and low self-esteem leads her to punish herself… “This is the best I can do.” “I don’t deserve better”, “I’m not good for anythign more.”

I was also told by this same little girl that I shouldn’t settle for anyone or anything, that I seem like the person who would strive for just what they want… That’s true in a lot of ways but if there is anyone in life that has been resigned to the fact he’s got to settle in the end – its me. You can have personality up the waazoo, you can be sweet and romantic and a really funny guy… You can be selfless or benevolent but it really amounts to shit with people if you got a few things wrong with your person, or don’t meet the market ideal of what a lover should be.

…

And for the record, you don’t write off people and leave them in the cold (or — even worse — confess to avoiding them) at times when they need your friendship… Or to pull that act 3 or 4 tiems and expect continued benevolence. You can’t expect a friend if you can’t be one… but that’s a cold November story so we’ll just leave it be.

…

Maybe someone needs to get typing lessons for Christmas. I type fast and don’t copy edit and what happens? I look like I don’t know how to spell anything (typo after typo).

….

Anyone who tells me they don’t deserve, is full of shit. Anyone who puts up with someone’s abuse is either too in-love or just too insecure to go back to what they had with nothing. Anyone who falls in love with someone else but gets engaged to the guy they are dating just becasue she wasn’t ready to break up yet… Well, that’s just fooling everyone and setting up for problems. You can want to share a bed with someoen but, dear God, you’re REALLY setting up to get screwed by drawing it out like that!

…

And by the way… Bryan? Not that you read my blog but you really shouldn’t get so upset over Liz. Yes there were a few misteps there but give it time, buddy. Just be a friend or try to be and be content with that. Keep your eyes open as well, you never know what else is goign to come along (and actually be clear about their intentions instead of wishy-washy like a middle-school girl.

Bah these online quizes….

humbug — you just got to take cartain ones:

ter>Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

What Beatle are you? John Lennon You enjoy poetry, painting & a fine wine. A lover not a fighter.

How can people continue to defend Barry Bonds?

I was stupid enough to go onto Scout.com (formerly FanHome) and read some fo the discussion that is going on with regards to the current Steroid Scandal in Major League Baseball and the fact Bary Bonds acknowledged using a creme that was loaded with Steroids…

“He did nothing illegal”

Let me get this straight, Barry Bonds and those like him — from Jose Canseco to Ken Camanitti to Jason Giambi and Gary Sheffield — have sullied the reputation and integrity of Major League Baseball to an extent far great than the Pete Rose betting scandal fo the 1980′s. They may have drawn the aw of fans by their feats but they have cheated for more than a decade at various stages in their careers.

Canseco had been a juicer for a while, Camanitti won the MVP whiel juicing. Giambi did the same… And the entire 1998 Home-Run Chase has been thrown into doubt. Say it ain’t so, Mark, say it ain’t so Sammy….

And someoen wants to say that Barry Bonds has doen nothing illegal?

Look at the children that look up to him — sickenly — and those who have been awed by him. Look at the money that thousands, if not millions, have invested in the Giants and in other Major League Baseball rpoperties while they have been led to believe these athletes have accomplished these feats on their own…. Some with their faith in God alone and some with raw skill. All of this is cast into doubt… “God was on my side, as was BALCO!”

It’s funny how I grew up lovign baseball in an age where 40 home runs was a grandoise feet. I hated Barry Bonds then and I continue to do so now… Ryne Sandberg was a respected but loathed adversary and Howard Johnson was the man, at least for me.

Sandberg hit 40 home runs and looked like a stick figure…. Howard Johnson was a 30-30 player and though he had a scruffy beard, he was virtually invisible compared to how Barry Bonds and other muscle-head players have looked the last 7 years.

Oh, and 1991 Barry? He looked like a lanky kid with the most pompous home-run poise to boot.

DOn’t defend Barry Bonds for his transgressions — and that’s what they are, transgressions. It’s time for him, Jason Giambi and others to sleep in the bed they made… And personally, I think a ban from baseball is the only thing that will do in this instance.

Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday
Who could hang a name on you,
When you change with every new day?
Still I’m gonna miss you

Ahoja from the frosty north. John checking in to give a little bit of news that isn’t very important but sorta sad personal news all the same. My T900 TalkAbout Pager — ruby red — has gone missing and is in all likelyhood gone. I lost it yesterday (thus the title and the lyric) when out in Massapequa on a quick stop before venturing to see family in Jackson Heights.

It’s another end of an Era… O, Discordia….

When I was in middle school, we would have a special assembly every year, tied to the Yearbook being on sale, to go through som nostalgic videos clips with music, and usually the crowd woudl boo, cheer or just act indifferently to certain songs…

One of the songs I always had a deep, personal connection to every time it aired during this assembly was the following… It always aired with clips from Vietnam and it just seemed appriopriate and moving…

I’ve liked the lyrics for years but sometime I have only given them token notice…. Right now, I could use a bridge over my troubled waters — or just the need to be someone else’s. I don’t know….

Bridge Over Troubled Water
Paul Simon

When you’re weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;
I’m on your side. when times get rough
And friends just can’t be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

When you’re down and out,
When you’re on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
I’ll take your part.
When darkness comes
And pains is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

Sail on silvergirl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend
I’m sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.

Charley has decided not to give Tampa Bay a blow job but instead decided to go down on Charolette to the south.

Figures

OK, power was never turned off here and I am angry at my kneejerk family who decides to give me vague news. The huge news is we in the Tampa Bay Metroplex have escaped the full wrath of Charley and are instead getting second-hand frontal bands in his wake.

In a related Story 10 Tampa Bay News has been the absolute worst storm broadcast I have ever seen. It doesn’t help things when your studio is in a prime evacuation zone well away from urban centers in St. Petesburg or Tampa, but when your transmission quality bottoms out in your new location and you stop getting outside information? That’s horrid.

Give Paul Delagato big props for not only carrying the ball passed to him by his mentor and Flrodia weather guru Roy Leap, but for goving above and beyond to get news information and updates to people at home when the information becomes availible. Of course, Howard Shapiro and “Drunk” ANdy Johnson also deserve props for being part of teh best weather coverage in Tampa / St. Pete, but Delagdo is WTVT’s main weather personality and head meteorologist.

More weather coming in so we aren’t in the clear yet but this was a big, big, BIG escape for Tampa Bay. No one was crying wolf with this storm from the get go and the region handled the evacuations and such swimmingly.

I’ve been in the dumps the last couple of days… I meanh really down and jus tlost what to do and hwo to live. I feel trapped, I feel without a purpose and I can’t exactly find reasons to push myself. Sure, I am doing great with my recovery and I am making headway almost every day…

But it’s that purpose that I am lacking. It’s apersonal connection that I’m lacking. Every time I think I found something, it turns out to be nothing. Every time someone else thinks they have found something in me, I get repelled.

SO I’m really low perosnally… And just trying to make it… And yet I’ve found an excuse for why I feel like this. I’ve been reading my Astrology lately )which I swore off last year because it made me think of other Libras) and I’m taking comfort in knowing a certain Astrological condition is upon us.

Mercury is going Retrograde.

Now what is the relevance of this? Things feel like they are goign backwards. Communications are snarled up and things are shitty, at best in terms of startingstuff. I always associate Mercury going Retrograde with something negative as it was outinely painted as so in a biography I read about John Lennon.

Maybe I’m just desperate for an excuse?

Maybe I’m just desperate for an answer?

Maybe I’m just desperate for a clue?

Well the computer is back and has been since Friday BUT I may have to format it again. At least I have the opportunity to rescue some of my personal files before having to wipe the HD again and go through the re-install bullshit once more.

Much thanks to the guys at CompuStore for saving at least some of these files from my machine (along with cleaning the utter mess that is my computer).