I haven’t blogged in a while as I have been busy with other faccets of my life…  From politics to just internet de3ign and maintenance, I’ve been a busy little bee.

But due to recent circumstances — the other shoe falling — I’m back for the moment and maybe longer. 

I read John Densmore’s Riders on the Storm a few years ago and heard about this song in an ancedote where Jim Morrison showed him the lyrics to this song while in the Hollywood hills.  It had presented a new vulnerability aspect to Morrison and Densmore thought he was maturing as a songwriter… it fits my mood of coming to grips but celebration of what you are…

Dancing barefoot in the grass
Gypsy woman reflects the ages
Curly hair tied back with rags
The melody makes love to her

Fabric waving through the air
Her dress flaps loose, without a care
Playing on the tamborine
And watchers heeding her every move

Gypsy woman lives on the road
No roots or ties, she knows no home
Her band of gypsies come and go
Strangers eyes are her closest friend

Night falls and the music ends
She washes, naked, at the rivers edge
Pale moonlight bathes her in a glow
She longs for the throes of passion

Day comes and the troop pushes forth
On their course, their road heads north
Gypsy woman heeds that cry
Somewhere new, there’s a strangers eye —

To captivate and to alure
A lovers gaze, a young man’s urge
To tease and taunt through her dance of ages
She lures them to her like cats to string

© 2007 John Fontana

The feeling leaves me a stranger
A strange man, in a desperate world
Of closeness, comfort, sweet sounding melodies
And the warmness of her heart

Known no vortex as powerful as this,
The evolution of desires has past the realm,
To want and desire from this day forward
Is the evidence of my feelings

I’m a stranger to this feeling,
The attraction and happiness have never felt so near,
Her heart breaks through the fragile bounds
I need some time
A time to work with things
For instance, my dreams and thoughts of her loving

© 1998 John P. Fontana

My biological clock is tickin’ like this! (stomping feet) At this rate, I ain’t neva’ gettin’ married!” — Marisa Tomei (as Mona Lisa Vito) in My Cousin Vinny

A couple of months back, my friend Terra had asked me if guys start having the biological clock thing and start feeling antsy about things. This was inspired by her friend Marc who seemed to be getting that way in wanting to settle down (I forget the exact details of the conversation). I do remember telling her that generally I (as a guy) felt like it was time to grow up and some people also must get it.

I never expected a feeling of dread that I am missing out on more (love, family) until today.

I’m rather chronic with wanting to get involved and I know I bitch and whine elsewhere about my prospects.. Yet I’ve never felt like I would want, need or have a child. That’s probably still the overall realistic truth (I’m single, I am not dating, I am not sleeping around, nor am I the type to just sleep around)…

Yet last night, out of nowhere while my head was weaving it’s magic through the dreamscape — i had a child. I mean, I was the father of a little girl that appeared in the wandering farscapes and such of my subconscious. A little blond haired girl with glasses who thought I was going to be upset with her that she bought herself a toy instead of something else she needed. I re-assured her I wasn’t and put on a happy face. I also ended up — while trying to fix her glasses — breaking her spectacles by accident.

But what has nagged at me is my knowing the girl thought I was her father and I was her father.

I really need to get my mind off this subject and the entire subject of romance right now. Nothing good is going to come from a forced encounter with a stranger that I meet in this state-of-mind…

I laughed my ass off over this because I’m a sodding American who never saw Hugh Laurie performing comedy…

Many of you don’t know this but about 19 months ago or so I contact a guy who was using blogspot to post his items for his Tampa based blog, about me hosting his blog and upgrading things for him.

It’s been a long, strange trip but in the 14 months I’ve been officially hostingSticks of Fire, it’s gone from blogspot hotspot to dot-com phenom. I knew at the time I approached Tommy about upgrading things that he had something great going on… Little did I know how much it would grow.

Tommy Duncan is probably the Bay area’s most unheralded media star. He gets invites to speak in various capacities (round table discussions, conferences, TV spots) and pretty much has Tampa covered with himself and his cast of supporting writers.

And now, Tommy has taken the next step by getting into a business alliance with Tampa Gold. When that officially kicks off, Tommy will be departing from my server space at Dreamhost and going to the land of far-far-away… Or on shared hosting package with Tampa Gold, take your pick.

I haven’t seen profit from hosting Tommy’s site and I haven’t requested payment for doing so. I never stuck in some personal reference (“Hosted by Dreamhost” etc) or anything like that… It made me feel good to be doing this.

But to just make a long story short, I want to wish my buddy well with his new venture and I hope it takes him where I couldn’t take him — to his rightful place at the to of local pop culture and beyond.

Sometimes, the happiest moments a person can have in his or her life is being physically admired by a passing stranger…

…It’s sad it doesn’t go anywhere, but the admiration is a definate pick-me-up.

I haven’t tried this in a long time – the last story I published in part on this blog was never competed (“Peter’s Problem” just rambles on and on) and never got any opinions on pieces fo the story I DID publish.

At any rate, I told people about this story in an earlier entry… There is no title to it as it stands right now and it’s just a few hundred words… Let me know what you think if you think anything about it… Just click on more to view it.

(more…)

I got nostalgic yesterday a bit not just because of where I was and who I was with, but also someoen I ended up talking to via email….

Eric Rosell, one of my best friends growing up – the kid aroudn the corner – got married in a small ceremony at a local church. It was the first time I had seen his parents in a few months, the first time I had seen his brother in a few years and the first time I had seen his sister in more years. It was amazing I was attending Eric’s wedding, surreal even. (sidenote – is it bad luck if a Catholic is married on teh day the Pope dies? I hope not)

I grew up playing or hanging out at Eric’s house. I was the one that was first notably enamoured with someone of the opposite sex… Or at least the first to make a big deal otu of love and romance and stuff like that. This, that and the other thing – I saw my childhood before me — even as it disappeared further.

The nostalgia didn’t end there as I heard from Danae – the girl who live ddownt eh block for a time who I was flipped out for. I had sent her an email wishing her a happy birthday — strange how sometimes you feel like it’s not yoru place to say soemthing like that and yet you have no problem with doing so with other people who are almost complete strangers. She got to breaking me the news her grandmother – who lives down the block – had passed away at Christmas (which I wasn’t aware of) and other things. I remembered being smitten with the saphire-eyed girl who lived at the corner… I thought of the memory of the past – and the awkwardness and malignance the relationship had in general.

But of all negatives in the past – they’ve been forgiven. If not forgotten by me.

You know, last year I played the scorned and jaded lover… Last year I wrote about how I hurt and how I felt used and blah blah blah. I was worshipping Bitter Singles Day and writing a tome to them (which I will not link to tonight becuase I feel sick :p ).

It’s funny the difference a year can make….

This year I am kissing strangers and joking around, in good spirits. This year I am waiting eagerly for that special someone who is my left hand. This year I feel complete. This year I’m in love once again.

This year is a different world and I am glad I returned to it.

That being said, I still must send out regards to the lonely out there — there is hope and it will hit… Just make sure you keep your morals high and don’t bend for a moment. Don’t fool yourself iwth false emotion. It’ll be surprising when you find them… It is for me.