it was Thursday night where I think I turned a corner on my funk. I am not in a good place still, but part of my turn for the better was finding a song that I identified with that wasn’t entirely a mope. It said exactly what I was feeling.

I’ve known it for years but with thanks to mumbled lyrics by Mick Jagger (a lot of spoken word recitation) and the dreariness of the tune itself, the epiphany of the lyrics just don’t come through as strongly as they should.

Indeed, it’s a gorgeous lyrics that I so identified with from the song Out of Tears.

It’s the second verse that captured me… That and of course the lyrics in general. It’s not because of the sadness, the personal loss that’s on display. It’s how that second verse ends…

I won’t drink
I won’t eat
I can’t hear
I won’t speak
Let it out
Let it in
All this pain
From within
And I just can’t pour my heart out
To another living thing
I’m a whisper
I’m a shadow
But I’m standing up to sing

In the face of all that despair and sadness, there is a defiance. I won’t keep suffering this, life goes on and I revel in that knowledge.

At least that’s what I take from it.
During the day Friday, just casually listening to my iPod… I had my moral rebound completed with a song that I should consider cliché in it’s uplifting message to me by now. Not uplifting per se but turning-the-corner… from what I took from the lyrics of Out of Tears, George Harrison and the Beatles Here Comes the Sun was the perfect compliment. Better times are ahead… The winter has passed.

Just out of curiosity, just out of wanting to know how strongly people stand behind their ideals —

would you stand up militarily for your beliefs? I don’t mean support the troops being sent to a foreign land… I’m saying that if you stand on different political sides here int he country — would you take up arms agaisnt the other side if the cross the line with their acts?

Case in point right nwo is the power grab by the president — at what point, with lack of checks and balances in play, do the people of the United States start reacting physically to the injustic3s going on?

Conversely, when does the RIght start physically reacting to judicial decisions they on’t approve of that doe snot let them push their moral beliefs on the rest of the masses?

Just when and where is the boiling point? Unfortunately, it’s getitng close right now. With goverment corruption at an all time high, with the country divided like never before and with the Executive Branch grabbing all the powers that are possible to grab – damning the United States Constitution along the way…. Soemthing’s got to give. And I don’t know if it will simply be difused with an election.

Socially Inept

Barrier
In an Information Age
Where knowledge roams free
And technowledgy rules
Wall

Srutting and fretting
An hour on stage
The flock of seagulls committee
Is cammanded by the ignoramous
Made to feel worse by those who care the most

Third verse
Third wheel
Cursed in a rambling ode of
Outsider Syndrom –
And unrequested serving
At a humble establishment

© 2005 John P. Fontana

Beside George Tennet, I wonder how many people see the proposed breakup of the CIA as a step backwards instead of a step forward?

There are already a handful of security and intelligence agencies int eh United States and a handful of Investigative agencies as well. The 9/11 Commission cited lack of communications/cooperations between agencies as part of the reason 9-11 happened.

So why is it that breaking the CIA into three is supposed to be the way to mend the problem? You have more agencies that need to answer to other agencies and more groups that may or may not share data. It’s taking the wrong approach to finding a solution.

Just like the Department of Homeland Security is giving the Defense Department a day off from defending the United States of America so that they can go ahead and be the Offense Department and take War elsewhere, changing the CIA to three different agencies doesn’t rectify the problem – it just adds bureaucracy so that other groups can focus on other things instead of solving the real problem — the glut of agencies and the lack of coordination with them.

I’m not totally opposed to the dismantling of the CIA but then again? I want to see the FBI and ATF factored into this group. I would think one super agency with divisions for national Investigation and law enforcement as well as international intelligence is going to be more beneficial than adding more groups to an already crowded field of agencies that are only loosely connected… And of course, having one person overseeing those agencies is not going to help cooperation and coordination between them…. It’s just going to add to the mess.

And what are other politicians going to tell you? That dividing and confusing is going to make America safer? That’s hardly a way to protect America… It’s more likely a way to contribute to more trouble – both Political and Geo-political – in the future.

Oh dear god, I am falling in love with the Daily Show.

For years I hear about this growing cult of people who watch Jon Stewartt and company report on he news with a humorous, cynical and smart ass spin to things. I’m a fan of Jon Stewart but I never watched the show because at times the comedy that I have caught glimpses of on the show seemed a little too cheesy or a little dry or just too subtle.

But watching a few full shows and seeing everything going on? Jon Stewart and the rest of the gang at Daily happen to be Captain Obvious incarnate.

Oh sure, they also report on he ridiculous a ton… Like last night (I think it was a repeat) they had an interview with a fellow planning to build the Clinton “L-i-e brary” a few blocks away from the Clinton Presidential Library. I don’t know if he was on to the rouse that he wasn’t on a true news program but he told the show that it was “vital to our nations future” that people know the truth about Clinton and his lies…

…which was responded with rhetoric about how the CHILDREN actually are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way…. On and on, the full verse of The Greatest Love Of All was sang by the interviewer DURING the interview….

That’s balls, that’s bravado and that’s hilarious — mocking someone taking his outlandish cause too seriously…

Tonight? Jon Stewart fried Wolf Blitzer (in a humorous way, mind you – he wasn’t attacking Blitzer but laughing with him… or attempting to) and the media for how they’ve covered the war in Iraq with regards to asking questions. I believe Stewart asked, “Was it Group Think or another word, Retardation?”

Now if they could just lose the f’n commercials and expand the show (which would take a little too much, I would think), it would be insanely awesome… I’ll be happy with what I have for now — being a Daily n00b…

In some ways, I still believe there is no sequel to Terminator 2: Judgment Day. The action-packed, sci-if sequel to James Cameron’s The Terminator.

What really bothers me, what explicitly, forcibly bothers me is seeing some of Terminator 3 lately on HBO and learning the plot of the movie (along with the outcome)… In plot and scope – it’s a good sequel and could have been outstanding as a movie. In dialog? In direction? Horrendous, absolutely horrendous.

I don’t know if they were trying specifically to separate this Terminator from the previous 2 models that visited the past in the first movies…. But you could see Arnold Schwarzenegger was too stiff for his role (even though going stiff was part of the role). His deliveries are too quick, and certain tag lines from the movie aren’t inserted when they actually need to be inserted (“Come with me if you want to live,” dense computer-like talk, and of course the killer –” “I’ll be back.”). They’re as much a part of the franchise, I think, as Arnold as a Terminator.

Ridiculousness kills this movie as well. What is the T-X? A woman liquid-metal model that can make complex machines as weapons? That’s lame.. . Why do I say that? Because Robert Patrick scared the shit out of me as the T-1000 that could run incredible speeds, overcome being shot by most weapons, and stab the shit out of whoever the intended target is. This Termistress just doesn’t do it for me.

Skynet not being a central computer but every computer connected to the Internet — that was a stroke of genius which gave a good premise for the film.. But it utterly fails with corniness and just sheer corruption from the other two movies. James Cameron is the master of the Terminator universe – and this is sadly no James Cameron film, and it is clearly evident.

I got to thinking about certain people and certain things tonight after my last post… mostly because I had the opportunity to think instead of post from my gut…

It would seem Kurt Cobain had a more serious situation with his girlfriend, Tracy Marander, than I’ve had with those I am thinking about… It is sorta reverse in fact… You see, Kurt needed to get a job in order to live with Tracy — or at least that is what she wanted. Kurt would rather live in his car than do that though.

Maybe I just feel taken advantage of and the fact that I only got to talk to someone when they were in need or down on their luck or in need of an ego fluff. At any rate, I can’t be there to get hurt again and again if I am going to be used without someone putting back what they take out… Sorta like someone living in an apartment for free who won’t chip in the rent fr the food or whatever…

About A Girl

(Cobain)

I need an easy friend
(I do) With an ear to lend
(I do) Think you fit this shoe
(I do) But you have a clue

I’ll take advantage while
You hang me out to dry
But I can’t see you every night (for) free
I do

I’m standing in your line
(I do) Hope you have the time
(I do) Pick a number to
(I do) Keep a date with you

I’ll take advantage while
You hang me out to dry
But I can’t see you every night (for) free
I do

I need an easy friend
(I do) With an ear to lend
(I do) Think you fit this shoe
(I do) But you have a clue

I’ll take advantage while
You hang me out to dry
But I can’t see you every night,
no I can’t see you every night…
For free

I do … (x4)

You know, I was just going through something or other on the web and I came across a little factoid that just hit me a certain way that made me laugh and think at the same time about a poem I wrote a few years ago (song Poem) and how true the lyric is, in a sad way…

The song-poem was Java Jungle which I wrote at Palm Harbor’s “Java Jungle” coffee shop years ago when I was still very much a lyricist and poet. The song is just rambling verse that makes sense to me and probably me alone in some of it’s meanings but has a little niftiness to itself… if you can find the rhyme scheme and what could have been the beat or what the music could have turned into with the song…

At any rate, I’m going to post the lyrics now – then I will tell you more about that “ironic and funny” little meaning I didn’t intend that I just found out about…

Sally-man say:
“Who led the way,
“Across the Great Red Sea?”
Way back,
The long way back,
Back home

© 1997 John P. Fontana

So what’s the big deal? Well, I could break down the meaning of each stanza and verse to you but some of it is boring and some of it – as I already alluded to — should make sense only to me (Mickey and Brand across the great land, for instance, is a reference to friends of mine who used to come down to be with family here in Florida, I would see them every summer).

The lyric that I found funny is one of the closing lines… I talk about Easter Day and St. Jude’s Parade and then make a reference to “Lennon Lad”. This is all talking about Julian Lennon. “Jude” being direct reference to “Hey, Jude” which was written by Paul McCartney for Julian during the time John Lennon was divorcing Cynthia Lennon.

The entire line was actually supposed to be reference to St. Crispian’s Day, I believe I had seen Renaissance Man not very long before I had written this poem and I was very fond of Shakespeare at the time after a year of his works being passed on to me through Ms. Ciccone at East Lake High School.

Well, St. Jude got worked in there and the reference to Julian was made — “The kingdom’s yours to have” and silence abounds… That’s saying that Julian could have easily followed John Lennon’s footsteps and gone to the top of Rock and Roll but failed to do so… Of course, Julian is still involved with music and still battles demons involved with his father and his childhood… That being said, there are reason the kingdom was never entirely inherited by him or by Sean Ono Lennon for that matter.

The ironic – funny twist that I keep making reference to is St. Jude. I didn’t know who St., Jude was nor did I ever think to find out… I just threw the name out there for the rhyme and for the reference (Jude, Jules, Julian) and only recently (reading another Rick Reilly article) found out who St. Jude is:

The Patron Saint of Lost causes.

So, Lennon Lad, the kingdom may be yours to have but from what the Java Jungle tells you, it’s a lost cause trying to inherit it…

What does the word MODERATOR mean? What is it’s definition. Our good friends over at Dictionary.com have it defined as this:

mod·er·a·tor ( P )
n.
One that moderates, as:
One that arbitrates or mediates.
One who presides over a meeting, forum, or debate.
The officer who presides over a synod or general assembly of the Presbyterian Church.
Physics. A substance, such as water or graphite, that is used in a nuclear reactor to decrease the speed of fast neutrons and increase the likelihood of fission.

One who, or that which, moderates, restrains, or pacifies.

The officer who presides over an assembly to preserve order, propose questions, regulate the proceedings, and declare the votes.

That’s just some of the definitions of the word moderator. In esscence, a moderator is supposed to step in and stop things from going to shit. THey are supposed to keep the fighting from happening. They are supposed to keep the balance.

I know this first hand, I administrated on FanHome.com, I moderated there before I administrated and got plenty of first-hand experience.

Why the hell these chat-heads can’t get the fucking clue what it means to moderate is beyond my. They don’t want to step in when one of the chat regulars starts blasting other regulars in the room. They “aren’t your parents” and they think everything should be dealt with in private.

Right, like someone who says “Fuck off, fuck you and don’t send me private messages” is going to deal with problems?

Lack of moderating shows cowardice by anyone on any web site that doesn’t want to be made to look like the bad guy. It’s just a fucking online world, people! You think some nitwit shoudl be allowed to bash the very people you are trying to coax into using your service? What are you, retarded?

This goes for any message board / chat room that you go into. You may tell me that “to go and stifle someone even if he isn’t being the best person in the world is censorship” is also something I believe is complete and utter horseshit. Censorship is when the first ammendment, in a public area, is silenced. To tell someone to restrain themselves in a PRIVATE web site, to step in and shwo someone physically that they are wrong for how they are acting by suspending them or booting them isn’t censorship either – it’s trying to kepe things worthwhile for everyone else.

Cops are supposed to be moderators. Constables of the Peace are supposed to keep crime down, keep the world livable for everyone else… Surely someone can’t complain that they are censoring you if you get arrested for a crime you commit… They broke the law, they infringed on someone else’s life.

Same goes for online chat. Or message board useage. If you break the law or infringe on someone else’s life, someone coming down on you should be expected.

And if moderators don’t have the balls to do it, then they should be canned.

It’s outrageous and ironic that htis is happening with Howard Dean’s campaign. He complains that the beltway boys in Washington won’t step forward and say / do shit against George W. Bush because they don’t want to look like bad guys. It’s the exact same with these nitwits who are overseeing chat. If they won’t step in and do something — why the fuck are they there in the first place? They sure ain’t moderating.

I don’t know what it is about this song but after watching the video performance of the song, after listening to it for years, I can find some comfort in it when I am at either emotional extreme – when things seem right or things are wrong.

Wrong being what they’ve been for a while now…

At any rate, the song is Hey Jude. I doubt anyone else finds the euphoria or the comfort in the song that I find every time I hear it… I can get lost in the music (or just get lost in the sound) and I can also read the lyrics at one point or another and find some shred of hope… This stanza for example….

Julian Lennon is really a lucky son of a bitch when I think about it. I mean, the guy has gone through hell (his own personal one) but this song is a song for him — McCartney came up with it on a drive over to see Julian during his parents divorce and was trying to cheer him up with the song. They’ve always been friends from what I know…

Sorry I haven’t been paying attention to that verse, Paul… It would seem that is something I need to remember in the future — that being merry or attempting a positive demeanor even when things are grim are better than foolishly bringing down the world around you and bumming those around you out.

The other verses are great too, but unfortunately they don’t hold true in this portion of my life. I practiced them when they were possible – as best I could – and instead of things ending in a euphoric refrain, the melody was turned off and the chorus was shunned.

Oh when can I start to make things better? How can I start to make things better? A few Na-Na-Na’s aren’t going to accomplish that….