I’m not talking about a bar, where the object tends to be to get smashed or deal with those who are smashed… I’m also not talking about a restaurant where it’s awkward to hang around, watching everyone else eat with nothing going on besides food…

It was a little earlier this week I had been conversing with my friend Bill about his need to get out to a neighborhood place on the norm just for the sake of meeting people… He’s isolated where he’s living now much like I’m isolated in my current situation. Yet I used to have a place to socialize every so often… It might have been a Thursday, Friday or Saturday Night… but it was my chance to go out and enjoy myself by just enjoying my surroundings.

Before Starbucks ever appeared in the greater Tampa Bay metro region, there was a little coffee shop just across the street from my place in Palm Harbor called Java Jungle. It’d been open a few years before I finally got the courage to go inside… I began my love for Espresso there as well. With nightly music and even the rumble of different drink-dispensing machinery against the bar where I normally sat, it was my little place of escape for a few hours a week where I could be me.

I met a bunch of interesting people during that itme, a lot of casual friends at that… I got to know the staff but not as well as I had liked. My hearing was so horrid at the time that being social was a pain in the ass… but it was also a necessity for my sanity.

And I spent many a night there simply scrawling in black-and-white Meade notebooks, writing down ambling verses of rhymes and poems — some of which are on this very website.

The problem is, the Jungle is gone. Long gone. And while I have no qualms about Starbucks (and rather enjoy their coffee), it’s not a neighborhood coffee shop when all of the closest locations are situated for mass appeal on US 19 with drive through windows (to get COFFEE??!?) and next to BBQ restaurants.

And so I get to reminisce about the days of yore and the evenings spent sipping coffee and musing with the guys and girls of the Jungle and what was… and what’s missing from my current day to day: a place of escape.

Pleasant Valley Sunday

Gerry Goffin and Carole King

The local rock group down the street
is trying hard to learn their song
to serenade the weekend squire
who just came out to mow his lawn

Another Pleasant Valley Sunday
(Sunday)
Charcoal burning everywhere
Rows of houses that are all the same
and no one seems to care

See Mrs. Gray, she’s proud today
because her roses are in bloom
And Mr. Green, he’s so serene
He’s got a TV in every room

Another Pleasant Valley Sunday
(Sunday)
here in Status Symbol Land
Mothers complain about how hard life is
and the kids just don’t understand

Creature comfort goals
they only numb my soul
and make it hard for me to see
My thoughts all seem to stray
to places far away
I need a change of scenery

Another Pleasant Valley Sunday
(Sunday)
Charcoal burning everywhere
Another Pleasant Valley Sunday
here in Status Symbol Land

Another Pleasant Valley Sunday
(Ahhhh Pleasant Valley Sunday)
Another Pleasant Valley Sunday
(Ahhhh Pleasant Valley Sunday)
(repeat X times)

Potter:

I noticed it just this weekend and now I can’t un-notice it.

EDIT: Edited the Kos picture so the BANNER was the focus, not the sponsor.

Yet, to those who actually believe Clinton was soft on terrorism or just plain didn’t do enough to fight terror — look at what Orrin Hatch, Trent Lott and others of the GOP were up to stopping President Clinton from having some of the very same issues that Congress now rubber-stamps for President Bush today.  That link and the following quote from CNN in July of 1996:

“We need to keep this country together right now. We need to focus on this terrorism issue,” Clinton said during a White House news conference.

But while the president pushed for quick legislation, Republican lawmakers hardened their stance against some of the proposed anti-terrorism measures.

Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott, R-Mississippi, doubted that the Senate would rush to action before they recess this weekend. The Senate needs to study all the options, he said, and trying to get it done in the next three days would be tough.

One key GOP senator was more critical, calling a proposed study of chemical markers in explosives “a phony issue.”

I wonder if old Orrin stood up and argued how the entire gels-and-liquids scare that has helped slow down the queue in airports for the last few weeks was phony… Or did he “wise up on the issue” where politicians who change stances today are known as flip-floppers?

But wait, it gets better.

Back in April of 1996 — the US House approved an anti-terror legislation that was severely watered down from what President Clinton had been proposing and the Senate had passed.  This was near the one-year anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing and several months prior to TWA Flight 800′s crash (along with the Centennial Park bombing at the Olympics in Atlanta):

Republicans were divided on whether the legislation would be effective.

“We have a measure that will give us a strong upper hand in the battle to prevent and punish domestic and international terrorism,” Senate Majority Leader and presumptive GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole said Wednesday.

But Sen. Don Nickles, R-Oklahoma, while praising the bill, said the country remains “very open” to terrorism. “Will it stop any acts of terrorism, domestic and international? No,” he said, adding, “We don’t want a police state.”

Some lawmakers took a more prudent view of the bill. “The balance between public safety and order and individual rights is always a difficult dilemma in a free society,” said Rep. Gerald Solomon, R-New York.

(emphasis added by me)

Now what’s my point in this and what constructive items can we take from it?

Ten years ago, there was a sensible conservatism out there that said individuals had rights, and it’s a thin line between individual rights and safety. The Republicans once knew that and they put the country’s civil liberties before the terrorism fight.

Now? Well, you should know…

The world didn’t change on 9-11 as the neoconservatives in control of the Republican party have worked very hard to make the country believe. It was our national courage that did. If you’re giving into your fear for the sake of safety and blaming all of this on the other guy in order to feel more secure at this very moment, you’re a coward and a fool who has become blinded from right-and-wrong with thanks to your party-of-choice in power.

I was more than happy to see K-Mart leave with thanks to the K’s re-organization. The store had always given me a negative vibe every time I got near it. Bealls converted the store and things have been a lot more pleasant with thanks to this.

But the one addition that I liked most — The Den, a coffee house and bar — was notably missing when I ventured to Woodlands Square on Memorial Day weekend. The Den had been inside Woodlands Square for a few years and served a great espresso. Alas, they gave way to music and live bands (I was there for coffee and conversation — which was hurt by this) and it would seem that the Den went the way of the Dodo. The store was empty when I looked.

Of course, The Den isn’t the only store missing that shocked me. Sans Pizza was also gone. Sans — which is right next door to the movie theater — was busy all the time and popular without having to find a side attraction. My guess is that they were a victim of rent prices skyrocketing. Why? Oh, because Office Depot moved in a few doors down — making their location even hotter than it already was.

He brought up the fact that they had offered a free ferry in 2000 and it saw a little bit of ridership and before it, a private ferry was in service that charged 3 bucks round trip and did poorly.

I got encouraged that someone replied at all… And now I’ve gotten my head on straight and typed up another letter, thanking him for it and then talking about some issues that I have with what he brought up.

The Free Ferry operated on weekends alone. I have no clue what the hours were. It operated for 3 months total and saw some 2650 riders. Losses were 500 smackers a day. Ok, good. Now how come you were only operating it on weekends when tourists are on Clearwater Beach or trying to get to the beach all week? Were you specifically tryign to cater to the locals who would be beach hopping on the weekend?

How much advertising was part of this free ferry service? I wasn’t a beach visitor in 2000 and don’t recall any press about the ferry being in existence – let alone publicity about using it to get to and from Clearwater Beach.

If you’re goign to do something, you can’t just do it half assed. That’s what Clearwater seems to have done with the ferry while it was in operation. I’ve been out on the beach during tourist season this year and I’ve seen how the spring break crowd is confined to the strip…. That or traffic dodging while trying to walk the Clearwater Memorial Causeway.

My reply letter is already typed up and ready to send. I’m glad I got a response. Now let’s see if Pam Iorio (or one of her staff) or Rick Baker (or one of his staff) reply.

Beautiful day outside today and basically shit to do for me. I went for a walk and saw the depressing site of a teenage mother handing over her daughter to the kids father so she and a friend can go out and do something. It was rather pathetic and heartbreaking to see. Depressing to look at society like that.

And then I dwelt on my own situation most of the day – nto fun. *sigh*

From high to low, the roller coaster of emotions that is John rolls on this weekend.

I start a conversation with my friend Michelle around 5 PM on Friday through my text messenger. “Hey Hey” with Michelle’s standard “Howdy” response.

Well, after that Howdy from my AFI loving friend, I couldn’t send nor receive messages from anyone on a cellphone all weekend long (still the case at 11 PM Sunday). I was able to receive email like normal, I was able to get messages from the Internet, I was even able to set up getting messages from my scarcely used AOL account on the pager but I couldn’t do text messaging with Cellphone users. Bummer to be left out of touch with friends like that. It made me want to replace my pager with something like the Sidekick… Oh well.

I paid $160 bucks or close to it for 2 pieces of a WiFi Network — A Router and a Network Adapter — from Linksys. Not bad seeing I could have paid much much more but still a ton of cash at the time.

So I set up the router and then I go down to my father’s computer — mind you this is a few months ago — and I hook up the Network adapter and…

Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Bupkus. Didley Squat. Etc. (thank you Juliane Moore, your Slang Dictionary reading character Electra inspires my alternative words for nothing)

The thing wouldn’t connect to the Internet / the Wi Fi Network. The signal strength could be anywhere from 60-100 percent and nothing was going on. It frustrated the hell out of me to try, try, try, try and have every possible re-configuration amount to shit. Nothing worked. In fact, sometimes when it seemed like it was working – the computer would lock up and you would have to reboot.

I disconnected the router, disconnected the network adapter and wrapped them up and filed them away for a month or two… Which leads me to yesterday and today.

Yesterday my father is talking about going to Verizon DSL service. Now, my father isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer to go along with his other things that piss me off. He talks about Verizon offering a deal to connect ALL of your computers to DSL Internet access for “one low monthly fee” — his exact words, I swear….

I go to Verizon’s site and no where do they offer to hook each individual computer up to DSL Internet Access for one low fee. They offer Fee access the first month, 29.95 for the next two months and 34.99 each following month.

Per – Computer – Connection.

I tell my father this and he doesn’t believe me – he believes the radio ad he heard in his car. I get pissed off and prove him wrong, and show him that not only does Verizon want to get you to use their Internet access but to wire your computers all to the Internet, you have to invest in their own home networking offer as well as the DSL connection.

Ronnie got pissy at this and I got pissed off as well.

So today with my ample spare time I vow to solve this bullshit of the anti-networking WiFi network. I hook up the router again and configure it. I then hook up the network adapter to his computer. Nothing. I am running upstairs and downstairs for 2 hours trying to get this thing to work. Nada…

And then? What happens? I decide to change one frigging’ setting — installing one extra thing that Linksys’ software didn’t automatically install.

POOF — I connect to the Internet on my fathers computer, using my own broadband connection upstairs..

So my Sunday has been eventful. My weekend has been eventful for that matter. I’ll post further about this soon enough but for right now — i will just :woot and end this story

On Thanksgiving I stuffed myself silly. I love food as I posted previously. Yum. My fiance and I ate at my parents for lunch and his parents for supper. And since we didn’t like doing all this traveling all in one day, we kind of decided to just spend Christmas on our own, and maybe invite the parental units to join us instead.

So that was my weekend. Hope everyone had a good one.

Things seem a lot better today – Tuesday — but Bob, my physical therapist, is telling me that the tumor is really fucking up the works for me and I need to have that removed one way or another.

Yes, I know this — I know it quite well. The problem is the consequences of surgery which is making me delay any decision.

You see, I live at home still because of my medical condition and that house happens to be 2 stories. My friends know this, but for some of my other readers who have been on the site lately, I know you don’t.. This tumor that is screwing up my legs — when it’s removed, may cost my use of my legs, period. That presents a problem for me because my house is not disabled friendly and my parents plan post-op doesn’t work. They want to change the den and laundry room into an apartment (no windows mind you ) for my disabled ass. When I talk about finding an alternative – they seem to think I am bullshitting. I do NOT want to continue living in this house, I do not want to live in a sarcophagus and have it defined as a room. I can’t LEAVE the house when I am in a wheelchair right now because of quirks around the house that make it tough for a wheelchair bound person to move around and get out. I can’t get around the house when I am in a wheelchair because of halls not being wide enough and what not.

And they want me to stay because it’s the simplest answer for them – do something that makes their lives easier while I suffer. “Just as long as you don’t interrupt us smoking our cigarettes and playing our computer games and watching our sitcoms, everything will be fine.” :sad

That’s not the truth – the last few months have proven that not to entirely be the truth but at the same time, it’s a long standing truth that shows up at one point or another. I think accepting their solution is just along the lines of this — “Don’t second guess us — take what we give you and don’t give us grief….even if our solution gives you grief.”

:sad

The day was rather uneventful. Once again, Spanish brought the hilight of my day. We talked a lot, so my throat started to hurt, but after class I had my first one-on-one encounter with a college guy. He was in my small group for the class period, and we were talking about different stuff in spanish..and when we’d have class next. “See ya on Tuesday!” he said. Yeah, so I felt good. Senior named Stew. Nice guy.

I’m not going to jump to conclusions and say that he’s in love with me or anything like that. He asked me about our Spanish Lab that he missed. He wanted to know what we did and if attendance was taken. That’s all that really matters to most students. Anyway, after last night, I think I’d come off really wishy-washy if I drooled all over this guy I hardly know. He was really nothing to drool over anyway.

Damn..I just sneezed again. This really sucks. I think I’m going to call it a night (at least for the journal entry thing) and go chat with some people online tonight. I’m trying to keep to myself in my dorm, so I don’t infect others. Plus a lot of people have left for the long weekend, and those left went out tonight. Not many around to converse with.

John should be back tomorrow, I believe..we’ll see. He says he’s doing well, and “site traffic will return to normal levels without your presence on the site.” Does that mean they’ve dropped or they’ve gone up, and will return to normal?? Why don’t you let me know and leave a comment or two, so I know how many people are actually reading this. It’d be really cool…plus it’d make John a little jealous I think…lol. Not that I want to, but I think he has a really nice site that not many get to see. So tell your friends! I look forward to hearing from you!

What started this awesome day was a workout at about 1:20 yesterday. I ran and walked with a friend from my floor for about an hour, and afterwards I was refreshed by a shower. It was a nice cool shower that washed the heat away. I pulled my hair back into a low, parted ponytail and finished up my writing for all of you in cyber space. I was nearly late (so I thought) for my Spanish class, but I got there plenty early.

Spanish class is so much fun for me…I love the sound of hearing any foreign language, especially Spanish. More importantly, I love to hear myself speak in Spanish when I’m having a good day with an accent. In class we talked about all kinds of things…boyfriends, girlfriends, painters, writers, books, heroes, and anything else that came up. It was all in Spanish. This was much like my Spanish classes at my high school. I came out of that class with a smile on my face, and suddenly this spark of energy and happiness that had no end. I hurried back to my dorm to share my happiness with everyone.

Many people couldn’t believe how peppy I was just because of my Spanish class. It was as if I were high on something (but I don’t do that sort of thing so believe me, I wasn’t). I smiled and laughed so much with my friends that my cheeks actually hurt. My roommate and I finally got to talking about ourselves a little deeper and now I see how much I really like her. Everything just seemed to click.

Last night I couldn’t sleep because I was still in such a good mood. Mary (my roommate) had the Dave Matthews and Tim Reynold’s Live at Luther CD and we were listening to that before we went to bed. The cd is completely laid back and awesome, exactly how I felt that day. Dave Matthews Band is my favorite one out there…if you’re a fan, let me know…we need to chat sometime.

Finally at 12:45 AM I had to draw things to a close. I had my 8 AM today and I needed to get some sleep. I only hope that today will be half of the day I had yesterday.

I also have something sorta freaking me out that I’ve been thinking about since Bill reminded me of it this weekend — last year, when I had my neck operation, it would seem that everyone downstairs knew just who I was when Bill asked where I happened to be. Am I more famous at the hospital than I know? A celebrity that doesn’t pull in a paparazzi of my own? Mayhap. Then again, it could have just been on steaming pile of coincidence, hold the cream cheese.

Meanwhile, my Spectra 22 is on the fritz. For those of you who have no clue what I’m talking about, it’s the device I use with the ABI in my head to let me hear. It’s been down since this weekend and proving to be a pain in the ass to get it fixed.

Hmmphf, figures.

On a less personal note — the GAO issued a report that Dick Cheney covered up corruption in the Bush administration Energy policy. My only reaction to that is, “Well, Duh!”

And I believe I do have a guest writer for Der Stonegauge while I am away… I’ll touch on that later on, hopefully.

I mean it really sucks. Sure, it’s 2:30 when I write this — in the afternoon. This was after I was up till close to 5 AM just tossing and turning and trying to find something to help me drift off into golden slumbers.

My mind was running in circles and honestly I should have just gotten up and written for a while in order to find some escape – that was working for me earlier this summer… The thing is I want to write explanations and at the same time – explanations are why I ended up taking actions that need to be explained in the first place.

That’;; make sense to no one. Maybe that’s my sleep deprivation talking, I don’t lnow… can someone pass me the espresso?

In other news, I spent 3 hours at Andy’s place yesterday afternoon… It’s got a ton of potential but at the same time – it’s a pigsty and grossly outdated. At least one of the bathrooms need to be totally gutted and replaced, the kitchen and “pool room” as Andy described it, hast a ton of potential… The living room / dining room remind me of my uncle Alan’s place… Oh, but the view in the backyard is stellar with the pond back there. I really need to take some digital snapshots of the house when I get a chance – hopefully this weekend…