The weekend with my legs totally sucked. I had hurt my ankle on Friday and didn’t know how bad it was until Saturday when I couldn’t walk on it any more. On Sunday I was confined to my room and only able to get up and around again on Monday.

Things seem a lot better today – Tuesday — but Bob, my physical therapist, is telling me that the tumor is really fucking up the works for me and I need to have that removed one way or another.

Yes, I know this — I know it quite well. The problem is the consequences of surgery which is making me delay any decision.

You see, I live at home still because of my medical condition and that house happens to be 2 stories. My friends know this, but for some of my other readers who have been on the site lately, I know you don’t.. This tumor that is screwing up my legs — when it’s removed, may cost my use of my legs, period. That presents a problem for me because my house is not disabled friendly and my parents plan post-op doesn’t work. They want to change the den and laundry room into an apartment (no windows mind you ) for my disabled ass. When I talk about finding an alternative – they seem to think I am bullshitting. I do NOT want to continue living in this house, I do not want to live in a sarcophagus and have it defined as a room. I can’t LEAVE the house when I am in a wheelchair right now because of quirks around the house that make it tough for a wheelchair bound person to move around and get out. I can’t get around the house when I am in a wheelchair because of halls not being wide enough and what not.

And they want me to stay because it’s the simplest answer for them – do something that makes their lives easier while I suffer. “Just as long as you don’t interrupt us smoking our cigarettes and playing our computer games and watching our sitcoms, everything will be fine.” :sad

That’s not the truth – the last few months have proven that not to entirely be the truth but at the same time, it’s a long standing truth that shows up at one point or another. I think accepting their solution is just along the lines of this — “Don’t second guess us — take what we give you and don’t give us grief….even if our solution gives you grief.”

:sad

It’s friday night and I’m sitting in my dorm room doing nothing. That’s really pathetic as some of you may know from going to college. Today has been eventful enough for me, though. I have a really sore throat, I’ve been sneezing, and I think I just need to slow the pace down a bit.

The day was rather uneventful. Once again, Spanish brought the hilight of my day. We talked a lot, so my throat started to hurt, but after class I had my first one-on-one encounter with a college guy. He was in my small group for the class period, and we were talking about different stuff in spanish..and when we’d have class next. “See ya on Tuesday!” he said. Yeah, so I felt good. Senior named Stew. Nice guy.

I’m not going to jump to conclusions and say that he’s in love with me or anything like that. He asked me about our Spanish Lab that he missed. He wanted to know what we did and if attendance was taken. That’s all that really matters to most students. Anyway, after last night, I think I’d come off really wishy-washy if I drooled all over this guy I hardly know. He was really nothing to drool over anyway.

Damn..I just sneezed again. This really sucks. I think I’m going to call it a night (at least for the journal entry thing) and go chat with some people online tonight. I’m trying to keep to myself in my dorm, so I don’t infect others. Plus a lot of people have left for the long weekend, and those left went out tonight. Not many around to converse with.

John should be back tomorrow, I believe..we’ll see. He says he’s doing well, and “site traffic will return to normal levels without your presence on the site.” Does that mean they’ve dropped or they’ve gone up, and will return to normal?? Why don’t you let me know and leave a comment or two, so I know how many people are actually reading this. It’d be really cool…plus it’d make John a little jealous I think…lol. Not that I want to, but I think he has a really nice site that not many get to see. So tell your friends! I look forward to hearing from you!

Ever have a day so wonderful you didn’t and couldn’t let go of it? Ever wish you could live it again and again? Prom was always one of those days for me..or the weekend of homecoming. The energy is so positive all around you, you get to dress up, and you feel so beautiful and important. Yesterday was one of those days for me. Except it didn’t start lovely..nothing that big even happened.

What started this awesome day was a workout at about 1:20 yesterday. I ran and walked with a friend from my floor for about an hour, and afterwards I was refreshed by a shower. It was a nice cool shower that washed the heat away. I pulled my hair back into a low, parted ponytail and finished up my writing for all of you in cyber space. I was nearly late (so I thought) for my Spanish class, but I got there plenty early.

Spanish class is so much fun for me…I love the sound of hearing any foreign language, especially Spanish. More importantly, I love to hear myself speak in Spanish when I’m having a good day with an accent. In class we talked about all kinds of things…boyfriends, girlfriends, painters, writers, books, heroes, and anything else that came up. It was all in Spanish. This was much like my Spanish classes at my high school. I came out of that class with a smile on my face, and suddenly this spark of energy and happiness that had no end. I hurried back to my dorm to share my happiness with everyone.

Many people couldn’t believe how peppy I was just because of my Spanish class. It was as if I were high on something (but I don’t do that sort of thing so believe me, I wasn’t). I smiled and laughed so much with my friends that my cheeks actually hurt. My roommate and I finally got to talking about ourselves a little deeper and now I see how much I really like her. Everything just seemed to click.

Last night I couldn’t sleep because I was still in such a good mood. Mary (my roommate) had the Dave Matthews and Tim Reynold’s Live at Luther CD and we were listening to that before we went to bed. The cd is completely laid back and awesome, exactly how I felt that day. Dave Matthews Band is my favorite one out there…if you’re a fan, let me know…we need to chat sometime.

Finally at 12:45 AM I had to draw things to a close. I had my 8 AM today and I needed to get some sleep. I only hope that today will be half of the day I had yesterday.

Spent the morning / early afternoon at the hospital with Pre-op stuff. It’s funny how easy it is to choke on something when you don’t chew it — or how painful it can be when you have difficulty continuing to swallow what you are choking on…

I also have something sorta freaking me out that I’ve been thinking about since Bill reminded me of it this weekend — last year, when I had my neck operation, it would seem that everyone downstairs knew just who I was when Bill asked where I happened to be. Am I more famous at the hospital than I know? A celebrity that doesn’t pull in a paparazzi of my own? Mayhap. Then again, it could have just been on steaming pile of coincidence, hold the cream cheese.

Meanwhile, my Spectra 22 is on the fritz. For those of you who have no clue what I’m talking about, it’s the device I use with the ABI in my head to let me hear. It’s been down since this weekend and proving to be a pain in the ass to get it fixed.

Hmmphf, figures.

On a less personal note — the GAO issued a report that Dick Cheney covered up corruption in the Bush administration Energy policy. My only reaction to that is, “Well, Duh!”

And I believe I do have a guest writer for Der Stonegauge while I am away… I’ll touch on that later on, hopefully.

Insomnia sucks…

I mean it really sucks. Sure, it’s 2:30 when I write this — in the afternoon. This was after I was up till close to 5 AM just tossing and turning and trying to find something to help me drift off into golden slumbers.

My mind was running in circles and honestly I should have just gotten up and written for a while in order to find some escape – that was working for me earlier this summer… The thing is I want to write explanations and at the same time – explanations are why I ended up taking actions that need to be explained in the first place.

That’;; make sense to no one. Maybe that’s my sleep deprivation talking, I don’t lnow… can someone pass me the espresso?

In other news, I spent 3 hours at Andy’s place yesterday afternoon… It’s got a ton of potential but at the same time – it’s a pigsty and grossly outdated. At least one of the bathrooms need to be totally gutted and replaced, the kitchen and “pool room” as Andy described it, hast a ton of potential… The living room / dining room remind me of my uncle Alan’s place… Oh, but the view in the backyard is stellar with the pond back there. I really need to take some digital snapshots of the house when I get a chance – hopefully this weekend…

This is one of those days where I’ve had a bunch of thoughts come to my mind and pass on into oblivion.

I did more reading of Stupid White Men today and it made me think to run for political office this time.
It wasn’t the fact that Michael Moore said bluntly that you should run for office, it was the fact he ran for political office at the age of 18 – and won. Most of his platform was by addressing the teenagers who were like him. He ran against five adults. That’s a way to assure election – not addressing the issues as-so-much the fact that you address who you are specifically aiming for. Of course candidates have done that for years but at the same time they have exploited those groups to no end.

I also tried my hand at writing my non fiction piece again… I have four different topics that I started
working on, the “worst” of these is a journal entry lifted from here that I was going to edit (ironically enough, it’s The Phantom Edit Part 2 entry) as a possible article to submit to Lou and Long Ridge.

Bill’s been able to get in touch with me from Orlando and I’m really excited for the guy now – well, not too excited seeing he’s sitting next to the receptionists mother at work while he has a liking for the receptionist. At any rate, he has his apartment mostly hooked up to basic services now, he’s going to start moving this weekend
(he’s been living with Helene and Jim so far this week). I can’t stress how happy I am for him because he’s needed this change of pace in his life for a While.

So I’m sitting here thinking of various things and various actions and various people and various topics and various various and realizing I am using various too often and should get a thesaurus Worrying about
various various as well but I don’t want to get into that shit on here.

Last night I finally got a good night of sleep after tossing and turning all weekend and getting up early. Nice refreshing change back to the norm – me sleeping in….

I went downstairs and I read the newspapers like usual and one of the top stories in the local “North Pinellas Times” section of the St. Petersburg Times simply enraged me. I ought to find something normal to get pissed off about, because politics and business (especially here in Florida) will be the end of me…

You see, Wal-Mart is proposing a new Supercenter along the bank of Lake Tarpon, which is entirely ridiculous. Where the building would be is not more than 10 miles from another Supercenter, nor is it 2 miles from a current Wal-Mart location….

The story’s headline? “Wal-Mart proposal includes traffic signal”…

You mean to tell me that a building that 1) adds to sprawl in North Pinellas, 2) hurts the environment, 3) Paves over a wooded RV Park and D) is useless, should make me feel more comfortable because they would add a TRAFFIC SIGNAL at their entrance point? Give me an f’n break!

I ended up going all out this morning over this – I emailed the stories writer with a complaint that he did not include the information that the proposed store rests only a few thousand feet from another Wal-Mart. I also went out and emailed my County Commissioners expressing displeasure over the proposal which now rests in their hands:

Commissioners:

My name is John Fontana and I’m a Pinellas County resident in North
Pinellas County. What I read in the newspaper today disturbed me and it
also made mention that the County Commission controlled the outcome of this
planned development – so I am emailing you in order to voice my displeasure
and concerns about what has been proposed.

Walk Mart Corporation and Wilder Corp development have proposed a
Supercenter to be built adjacent to Lake Tarpon and U.S. 19 south of
Klosterman Road. While Wilder Corp argues about how the region suffers from
a lack of shopping (which has been their public argument since attempting to
build a Target and Lowe’s Home Improvement center on the property), it does
not seem to take into consideration why people oppose it and why residents
do not like the proposed.

For starters, Wal-Mart has both a Supercenter and a standard Wal-Mart store
within driving distance of the proposed location. It is not a problem for
any resident to drive from Klosterman or points around the area to either
Alderman Road or Oldsmar where the locations of Wal-Mart’s stores are. The
proposed construction also adds more apartments to an already over-saturated
market here in North Pinellas. Innisbrook Resort gutted it’s property to
add hundreds of apartments within the last 5 years, and other Apartment
options surround the area…. Adding a new set of apartments would not just
drive down opposing apartment complexes value, but just continue to add
clutter to the sprawling North Pinellas area.

Another problem with this proposal is environmental impact. Wilder Corp’s
plans would gut it’s wooded RV park and pave over the spot… It would also
disturb the Lake Tarpon ecosystem due to rain run-off that would end up in
the lake from the parking from both the proposed Wal-Mart and also the
proposed apartment’s.

What is to become of the Wal-Mart that is currently located at Alderman Road
and U.S. 19? Would it be vacated and left to be an empty and ugly “box”?
Don’t we already have enough of these in the Bay Area and Pinellas County by
carpet-bagging developers? How much development are we going to allow to
tarnish Lake Tarpon? How many green-spots in Pinellas County are left to be
paved over with additional suburban sprawl? Is Wilder Corp’s vow to pay for
a traffic signal at US 19 and Cypress Pointe supposed to put my mind at ease
that my tax-payer dollars will not be spent on this? If that is the case,
it doesn’t. This development should be stopped in it’s tracks. There are
other uses for the property that are more sound than the current proposal.

That was sent to four of seven County Commissioners… I only pray they don’t just file this away and ignore the complaint.

I’m so sick of backing up and giving ground to large, ominous corporations…. I’ve done it with Sony and Apple Corp LTD…. I’ve bowed to the Corporate structure by getting a minimal job with Target Corp…. What’s next? I have to name my first born Microsoft Fontana in order to get to use Windows XP 2.0? Or have UPC codes tattooed to my skin in order to be able to purchase items from a specific company? Will I have to move because someone wants to build a gas station on my property and the County uses some hidden law to evict me? I want to fight it, I want to lobby against it, I want to protest it… And yet I can’t find many like-minded people near me.