It’s funny how some thigns come to you and inspire you to write or at least get the thoughts out someplace or another. In my case, it’s here on the Blog where the world can read, dissect, and make fun of whatever is bugging me.

In this case, it’s thoughts of the malignancies from this summer. Nothing new or fresh happened: the closest thing to news would be the fact I got a Christmas card from said malignance after the holiday. I didn’t even open it — because of the anger it brings out in me.

That’s the whole point of this post: It’s not healthy to brood about something that went wrong or something that happened in the past. It’s not healthy to sit on it and bubble over with thoughts that are just negative toward what happened. Negative and brooding.

A half hearted attempt in a card to thaw the ice didn’t exactly play well with me – not after five months of nothing. Nor would showing up in one form or another now and trying to play friendly. Thawing the ice isn’t going to happen when I have gotten to sit on the malignancies seven months.

But that’s not even supposed to be the point of this post. The stubbornness on display? The fact I am still angry after all this time? That’s the point — it’s bringing out the worst in me. Good friendships or other relationships are supposed to help you highlight your best thoughts and actions. The best of your character.

Chalk this up as another thing I’ve learned.

I haven’t written much about my health the last few years on der Stonegauge… Mostly because Stonegauge is syndicated on the ever-so-excellent Tampa Blab where some of my blog colleagues (who know me better from my endeavor at Boltsmag or my participation at Sticks of Fire) can get wind of this stuff and start fussing and worrying about me. So can my critics as well with anything personal I write about on here. I’ve had private stuff published on this domain before and had it come back to hurt me. But that’s what happens when you blog, ain’t it?

I’m getting away from the fact that I said I haven’t talked about my health much at all on here lately. For the uninitiated, I suffer from a rare genetic disease commonly referred to as NF2. It’s a nasty little gem of a disease that doesn’t get much attention (besides an odd mention on House M.D. every-so-often). It causes benign tumors to grow mostly on nerves in the body. One of said tumors were the reason I began to lose my hearing as a teen and was rendered deaf 10 years ago last December.

It also gives me the supernatural abilities like super-intelligence, telekenisis and empathy along with…

Wait a minute, that was a John Travolta movie. Never mind.

Seriously… The last time I really brought up (bitched, moaned, vented, etc) my health was the summer and fall of 2003 when I hit a couple of hard patches and was frustrated, scared and just flat out torn up (to put it lightly). Blogging things publicly helped me get my frustrations and worries out in the open… or at least out of my head for the moment until the next panic hit.

It’s 4 years later and I’ve got problems again. Problems in my head this time that get the doctors attention. Now, from the smart-ass perspective, you’d quickly quip “Yeah, anyone who (inserts a thought, political idea, interest, etc) would be classified as having problems in the head!” but it’s a little more serious than that. About 5 centimeters worth of serious. Between-my-ears, behind-my-eyes serious.

I’ve been operated on twice up there before. Both times I had the operations in question out west with one of the top doctors in the world. This time around, I’m sticking in Tampa Bay and trusting a doctor who’s been heralded to me as one of the best in the world. He’s got books and awards and all that jazz. He’ll have some of my old friends along with him to make sure my ABI doesn’t get fudged up and what not.

Still, there are risks and even if they aren’t substantial — what they are is a worst case scenarios. So I worry about that, even though it’s almost like thinking about worst-case stuff when you go out and do day to day things.
“The worst case scenario while driving to the Supermarket to pick up milk is that an out of control mack truck with a drunk at the wheel, plows into my car and explodes…. Oh, and I don’t die instantly on impact!”

Rosy, cheery stuff like that.

So part of my mind (ha — the cause of all my problems) keeps wanting me to be responsible and at least report this upcoming operation, make arrangements for the “just in case”, “worst case scenario” type things. Every other part of me wants the status quo to remain — though that status quo is a deteriorating personal conditions where the changes in my health are more or less subtle until I get to a tipping point and things really get messed up and my life hangs in the balance.

Rosy, cheery stuff like that.

I don’t want to face the idea of things — out of my control — go bad and yet with responsibilities to friends and loved ones, how can I not?

OK so I pissed off Melanie because I shut down der Stonegauge seemingly….

I also got a stern talking to from my comrade-in-blogs Tommy….

So maybe I will keep on typing? I mean, what’s the worst that can happen? I bore you? Of course I bore you – you’re on the Internet and that means you are already bored for crissakes… If I was an excuse for you not to be bored, i got news for you….

I’m going to go one post at a time for a while and see how it goes… Maybe I will go back to the multi-bullshti posting in a bit… THat is if I can get the spark behind the Stonegauge once again.

It’s getting near 2 AM when I write this and it’ll be 2 by the time I publish this and there are a lto of things that are sorta swimming through my head and at the same tiem there aren’t many at all.

I had a good night. I decided to go out for dinner and had some drinks and made the mistake of walking almost 2 miles home — drunk. That’s ok though. I was observant enough not to get hit by a car here in the worst place in the United States to be a pedestrian.

Something else is fudging with me and it’s not something that makes sense to me because it’s a contradiction of sorts…. Having a friend who has been someone you rely on and finding they haven’t been making you better as much as you thought. About how I changed for someone and how it was detrimental to me in general.

And I’d get into that but I like being obtuse about it. Better for all parties involved because you all have to figure out WTF I am talking about

At the same time I have been focusing on myself a lot more — on things with my life and trying to improve them or figure out how the hell to do that. Someone else — well, a couple of people — have been pushing me forward with that and it’s all good… (this should clear up some of the obtuseness) Hopefully something comes from it before my body decides to mess with me again.

2:05 AM EST on Sunday as I finish this post up… And I’m wondering when I’ll go to sleep….

I know it is a day after a national holiday and people are not focusing at all right now on the news but…

I’m disenchanted — outrightly disgusted — with the lack of news regarding a major earthquake iand tidal wave has devestated parts of Asia and Africa. this wasn’t just a minor rumbler that ended up destroying the third world — this was an 8.9 magnitude earthquake with aftershocks tipping the scale at 7.3.

And what news can you find on national television in the States as Asia and Africa awake to continue dealing with the devestation?

Nada. Zip. Zero.

The national news channels that pride themselves in being 24 hour news services are airing their regularly scheduled documentary-like programs. One of the worst international disasters of our time and “CNN Presents” is more important? 11,000 people are confirmed dead by this catastrophe — and that is just the begining. And documentary programming on news services takes precedence over reporting the issue? Keeping people informed? Displaying where to send financial aid?

9-11 was a man made attrocity that was helped by taking place in the media capital of the world… Yet when the third world gets rocked out of nowhere, when more people die form more countries in the hardest hit areas than almost any Natural Disaster we have ever seen, America and the American Media are allowed to turn a blind eye because it isn’t ratings? It isn’t news unless it’s got an American tie?

It’s cynical to say “Yup” but that seems to be the case — and I am not going to let my anger go on this. This is where you are supposed to jump to help someone. This is when youa re supposed to keep the public informed. This isn’t one town, one city, one country effected. This is millions across Asia and Africa (and the world with the number of tourists involved in this)….

And no one in the US would care to find out more about it or to try to find out how to help

Tommy over at Sticks of Fire brings up an issue that is a hot topic in the Bay area right now and of course is an issue that is dear to my heart —

Tampa Bay happens to be one of the worst places in the country for pedestrians.

A five year old was hit by a car while she and her family were cross the street. Tourists… This was a hit and run and the coward couldn’t even come forwardand admit what they had done. Not yet at least. Rebecca McKinney was killed, I felt I had failed… but things get worse and worse and I just feel rage.

Where to begin, where to begin?

“I’m only sorta gimpy. I can get there by myself.” I told a curb side check in agent for American Airlines. He smirked and let out a laugh and I went on my way into Tampa International Airport to start my trip on Tuesday morning. I had my Eastman backpack swung over my shoulders, dress pants on and my “trusty” cane in hand as I navigated the terminal and made my way to the airside concourse.

American Airlines made it real easy on me and helped me out the entire way to and from Burbank. Being it lead onto the plane by a Stewardess in Tampa or the ticket-agent trying to get me a replacement flight to Tampa from Dallas if I didn’t make that conneciton flight (more on that later)… AA kicked ass in their service.

The big thing about this that upset my parents and extended family was I was going 2200 miles by my lonesome as my first trip solo. Not to mention I’m still a gimp to one extent or another, walking with and without a cane at times.

Not like I needed to care about being gimpy once I got on the streets of LA.

If there’s one difference that is night and day in La Cuidad de Angels compared to Tampa/St. Pete and the suburbs, it’s the fact that pedestrians have the right of way. Here in Florida, I’d get run down sooner than a car actually wait to turn during a green light. In Los Angeles? I got honked at for not walking and waving cars on at an intersection. That was the biggest adjustment, and the most pleasing.

The other thing that hits me hard every time I am out there is getting used to being surrounded by minorities. Mexicans, Japaneese, African Americans, etc…. One huge eclectic mix. Here in the south, people can only hold closed minded views and hold fear when thinking about situations like that. Me? I fucking LOVED it.

Sure, there is the idea you could get jumped by a gang here and there — that was before I did some thinking and observing. Grandma’s were out walking with canes, unmolested by teens hanging out and kids walking around with CD players weren’t being attacked… I think that gives you an idea it’s safe to be out and about during the daytime and not so intimidated…

At any rate, half the reason I was able to do this trip was my buddy out west, Mark Albracht who I know from SkyscraperPage.com. Me and Mark have known each other a while and have been friends for the past year +…. He had picked me up at the airport and we also spent some time in Hollywood looking around and stuff. It was fun to be out there and see some of the places that I have only heard about (the Kodak theater, the Egyptian….. The Walk of fame…).

Damn, there is so much to talk about and yet I am just rambling through it. And at the same time, there is little to talk about because I didn’t do much while out there. While I liked being on my own on a trip, I would have loved a peer with me (not a parent) to enjoy some of the things that I passed on or didn’t spend enough time with.

Of course, the trip did have it’s low point – my birthday . The day started off as it normally did in LA but I had an appointment that morning. A long overdue ABI checkup. What went so bad? Being forced into an MRI that i didn’t want to have done, having to sit around for four hours until I had the prodcedure, then being in physical and emotional pain with how I was dealt with by the staff… To summarize my birthday was to summarize my life: spent with me trying to look good, voyaging, meeting a friend, being duped by a faux ally, pain, humiliation and ultimately ending alone. Great attitude, wouldn’t you say?

Oh, I forgot to add the part about Burbank. Saturday morning I left my hotel (after barely getting any sleep) to encounter the worst fog I had seen first hand since I was a kid. The flight was grounded until almost 9 and could have made me miss my conneciton flight home… And like I said, a ticket agent stepped right up and arranged things for me if I did miss my connection. Luckily, once airborn, we made up time lost and actually came in ahead of schedule (but still not enough time for this guy to grab a meal while on the DFW International concourse.

I’m planning on getting away some more in coming weeks. A trip to NY for instance…. Who knows where else. Where I’m wanted and where I’m curious would most likely be it.

Charley has decided not to give Tampa Bay a blow job but instead decided to go down on Charolette to the south.

Figures

OK, power was never turned off here and I am angry at my kneejerk family who decides to give me vague news. The huge news is we in the Tampa Bay Metroplex have escaped the full wrath of Charley and are instead getting second-hand frontal bands in his wake.

In a related Story 10 Tampa Bay News has been the absolute worst storm broadcast I have ever seen. It doesn’t help things when your studio is in a prime evacuation zone well away from urban centers in St. Petesburg or Tampa, but when your transmission quality bottoms out in your new location and you stop getting outside information? That’s horrid.

Give Paul Delagato big props for not only carrying the ball passed to him by his mentor and Flrodia weather guru Roy Leap, but for goving above and beyond to get news information and updates to people at home when the information becomes availible. Of course, Howard Shapiro and “Drunk” ANdy Johnson also deserve props for being part of teh best weather coverage in Tampa / St. Pete, but Delagdo is WTVT’s main weather personality and head meteorologist.

More weather coming in so we aren’t in the clear yet but this was a big, big, BIG escape for Tampa Bay. No one was crying wolf with this storm from the get go and the region handled the evacuations and such swimmingly.

Tom Benjamin is pissed off, and with good reason ladies and gentlemen. Here is politics at it’s worst and Pork Barrels in America also at it’s worst:

CC NHL Weblog

How does it work? In the United States the entire sports franchise is apparently a depreciating asset. Never mind that the franchise does not wear out like a building or a tangible asset. Never mind that history tells us franchises appreciate over time. Everybody will pretend they depreciate and if you have the money to buy an NHL hockey team in the United States, you get to write off the entire purchase price over 15 years.

Please read the full story on this…

Ah the wonderful world of Johnny. Details, details, details of Keith’s visit to suburban hell… er, Tampa Bay.

So I was f’n stoked on a Saturday Night when the Lightning tied the Stanley Cup finals. Keith, of course, is in disbelief. He had expected to be attending one of the upteenth city parites that would be going on if–no, WHEN the Flames had won.

But it didn’t happen that way.

So what happens when Keith gets home from Saddledome? He’s got to book hsi flight to Tampa. He had tickets lined up since the Flames / Lightning NHL Finals had been set. Game 7 tickets in fact. The series hadn’t been as good as we both had hoped but – gods – this was a game seven! You can’t scalp tickets for an event like this for less than 500 bucks… We got them through Ticketmaster before the game was even scheduled – so we’re in luck.

Sunday night, Keith was due to start flying to Tampa — going to Vegas first and then getting a connector flight / red eye to Tampa. Only problem was his flight was 2 hours late to begin with, which thus made him miss his connecting red-eye flight to Tampa.

Back in the Bay area I am going nuts Sunday night trying to figure out WTF has happened to Keith. He’s stranded, or is he moving? Flyte Comm basically confirmed where Keith was — just leaving Alberta – about the time I was ready to call it a night.

I decided to indeed call it a night, wondering what the hell was going to happen and how Keith woudl be when he finally got here – if he got here…?

I wake up bright and early Monday morning and have a sense of urgency running over me. Not just urgency but anxiousness. Within a couple of hours the Lightning would be playing for a world title and I would be in attendance.

Maybe.

My first thought is – where Keith? His connector fflight took off on time (fuck America West) and that meant he indeed missed his connector flight. I fought on the phone for a good hour trying to find out what happened to him and I find out (through America West customer service) that he’s “Taken another route and going to another city. He’s all right.”

Well, whoop-de-shit. He’s OK. Now where is he? “Sorry, can’t say… but he’s all right.” :rolleyes

I call his cell phone (which I am still told is a wrong number by parties that call back later — but it’s the same number that America West has in their system and same number I have from Keith directly) but I still tell him on his message service to give me a ring to let me knwo what happened and where he is…

I find out a little while later it’s Orlando, and he’s still on his way here.
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